So, NBC has a new Sunday Night Football
theme this year. Unfortunately, it still stars Carrie Underwood, but,
while her previous performances seemed to simply be Faith Hill
reboots, this year the bigwigs at NBC seem to be going for something a little
fresher, a little dancier, a little less Faith and a little more
Carrie (a decision, by the way, that I do not support; Faith was
exponentially better in her SNF intro). And to this, my friends, I
say, they have failed. In a big, big way. This was a bigger fail than
Crystal Pepsi or, for you Millennials, Brangelina’s marriage (more
on that later).
But because I’m such an optimistic
person (notwithstanding that Brangelina comment), let me start with
the positives: Carrie’s legs look incredible. Truly. And, well,
that’s it. Carrie’s legs are all it’s got going for it.
Obviously her diehard commitment to endless lunges and squats –and
spray tans – has really paid off.
Now, perhaps the producers were betting
on these tanned, toned legs being enough to distract the average
football-loving, puberty-reaching, beer-chugging viewer of Sunday
Night Football from noticing the rest of the catastrophic
performance. But I am not so easily swayed. (I don’t even drink
beer.) In fact, all I can feel when I watch this “performance” is
embarrassment for Carrie. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the
billions of dollars NBC paid her to look like a moron is softening
the blow a bit, but, seriously, what is even happening here? Is she
supposed to be dancing? Skipping? Shimmying? Because all I can see
when I watch it is a woman who appears to be in the throes of a minor
seizure. I want to call her an ambulance, not settle in for an
enjoyable evening of football.
And does it strike anyone else as odd
that for a musician, she doesn’t seem to have much rhythm? And by
“not much,” I mean none. She looks like a three-year-old trying to clap along to her Raffi tape (did I just date myself or what?!), with no concern for the actual beat.
I just don’t get it. But, because I
would never be so bold as to tell such an intelligent and discerning
group as the ATG Nation what to think, I leave it to you beautiful
people to form your own opinions.
You may begin.
