New Year. Same Judgment.

First let me say, Happy New Year!

But fear not, my friends. The year may be new, but the judgment remains the same.

The first object of today’s affectionate judgment is one of our favorites: Kate Middleton. To start the year off right, here’s a picture of the “world’s most beautiful woman” (yeah, perhaps if we lived in Whoville) en route to a royal Christmas celebration. Sometimes I truly feel like I’m living in an alternate universe. I would feel much more charitable towards her if I wasn’t constantly being told how stunning she was, what an amazing dresser she was, how she can do no wrong, blah, blah, blah.

So, you see? My bitchiness isn’t really my fault. I blame the media. 

The Duchess of Whoville, er, Cambridge

I will say, though, that someone mentioned Kate Middleton in conversation the other day and I couldn’t, for a second, remember who that was. This says to me that I’m either making real progress or I have a brain tumor. Either way, maybe we’ll give Waity a slight reprieve in 2012. (Although, her 30th birthday is Monday, so I make no promises...)

However, we promised you judgment, and by golly, there will be judgment. So, on to the next object of our affectionate judgment…

Have you heard that, although Kate Middleton may be the most beautiful woman in the world, Jennifer Aniston is—according to Men’s Health—the sexiest woman of ALL-TIME? 

The Sexiest Woman of All-Time (?)

Yes, friends, you read that right. We’re not talking the last year, the last decade, or even the last five minutes. No, they voted her the sexiest woman of ALL TIME. What?! Granted, I don’t subscribe to Men’s Health—mostly because I’m not a man—so perhaps I have no room to talk (although, really, when has that stopped me?) but I also don’t subscribe to the idea that JA is the sexiest woman of all time. What about Carole Lombard? Hedy Lamarr? Marilyn Monroe? Lana Turner? Rita Hayworth? Spending the majority of Horrible Bosses saying filthy things does not a sexy woman make. It’s just gross. That’s my thought, at least, what do you guys think?

And lastly…

This is incredible. Finally someone else is passing the judgment for me. What a relief. Being such a judgmental jerk can get SO exhausting!

Spoiler alert: If you’re a huge Kristen Stewart fan (and, really, if you’re over 12, you’re probably not), you may want to refrain from clicking the above link. Otherwise, enjoy.

And, again, happy new year! Here’s to a 2012 filled with good health, much happiness, and lots of juicy judgments!