Oh, friends. Another day, another flub by the surprisingly
inept Sussexes. I was honestly trying to
warm to this deficient duo. I had nothing but love for Meghan’s reported
decision not to frantically and obsessively return to her pre-baby body,
instead wanting to illustrate an honest post-pregnancy journey. When the entire
world is watching – and judging – your appearance, that takes real chutzpa (especially when your sister-in-law has a magical body that returns to its original size in 5.7 seconds). In
fact, I was just about to write a post on her new potential likeability (well,
maybe “likeability” is too strong a word, but she had definitely moved onto the
likeability spectrum) and then we went through another news cycle, which
brought with it another huge Sussex-sized fail and the knowledge that, despite
my greatest efforts, they are just impossible to like.
As you may recall, not that long ago our favorite royal
family to judge – comprised in part of the UnreMarkleable Duchess and
her tantrum-throwing hubby, the SGP[1] –
made headlines for not only being totally incompetent in pretty much every way,
but also HUGE planet huggers. This meant, they said, that the newly minted
family of three would likely stay that way. That’s right, Archie Harrison
Mountbatten-Windsor’s dad confided – in a Vogue article, no less – that, in an
effort to protect our most precious planet, the Sussexes would only be having
the one kid, maybe two, because, you
know, children consume resources and create carbon dioxide (or something. I
didn’t actually read the article). They were cheered for their selflessness.
Generations to come would bow at their green altar; and history books would
herald their dedication to the environment, their commitment to saving the
planet one (never-born) person at a time.
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| The Three Musketeers |
Personally, I think the fact that Meghan just turned 38 indicates that biology – or the fact that they already used every possible name on their first kid – may have played a bigger role in this decision, but who am I to question such altruism? I mean, it really hits you right in the feeler, doesn’t it? Someone give this dynamic duo the Nobel Peace Prize for their courage and sacrifice.
Oh, but wait. Slow down.
It’s never quite that simple, is it?
Turns out these two environmental darlings aren’t so
environmentally conscious. Or darling. No, it seems that the loathsome twosome
(and their one and only kid) recently used a not-so-environmentally-friendly private jet to return from a holiday in Ibiza and then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, just days later, took another private jet from London
to Nice (on another vacation). According
to an estimate by the BBC, these two trips alone produced six times more emissions than the
average Brit does in an entire year. Sorry, what? Does this mean that the
Sussexes don’t actually practice what they preach? I mean, bear in mind that
this is the same duo who, less than a month earlier, posted a quote from Harry on
their official Instagram account, highlighting the importance of environmental
awareness – and the role each of us must play. It read: “With nearly 7.7 billion
people inhabiting this Earth, every choice, every footprint, every action makes
a difference.”
It sure does make a difference, Harry, which is why you
would think such a concerned person as yourself would make more environmentally
friendly decisions. But that’s not really how it works, is it? In fact, while these
concerned citizens of Earth are breathlessly calling for the outlaw of straws, procreation,
hairspray and cows, they are also simultaneously using multiple private jets to hop around the world
from lavish vacation to lavish vacation.
What’s the definition of hypocrite again?
But it doesn’t stop there. This extravagant, planet-killing travel
choice came just weeks after Harry attended, via private helicopter
(allegedly), a Google-sponsored summit. In Sicily. On climate change.
Let me just stop for a second while you marinate on that nonsense.
To be fair, he wasn’t the only one whose hypocrisy was on full
display that day. No, turns out that many in this environmentally-friendly
group of mega-rich folks, which included Katy Perry, Chris Martin, Nick Jonas
and, of course, everyone’s favorite hypocrite environmentalist, Leonardo
DiCaprio, had also taken private jets
and mega yachts to the meeting. Do these people truly have no self-awareness? I
can’t. I really just can’t.
But I digress…
On the one hand, I kind of get why royals feel the need to
fly private. After all, I can imagine that flying commercial might be tough for
people who are so incredibly famous. I mean, I don’t even particularly like it,
and I certainly don’t have to worry about anyone invading my personal space –
at least not any more than that miniscule plane seat requires. Plus, I have
read that when the British Royal Family flies private, it is usually by
borrowing a wealthy friend’s plane. And in this particular instance, the
wealthy friend in question is none other than Elton John. This means that, at
the very least, the Sussexes didn’t spend tens of thousands of pounds of the British
taxpayer’s money on their climate-killing trip. (Unfortunately for the British
public, they didn’t get so lucky when the privileged pair chose to remodel
their new home, Frogmore Cottage, to the tune of several million.) Still, does
it not seem somewhat hypocritical? This is a couple that seemingly takes every
opportunity to tell you how you
should be living your best green life…and then jets off in a private plane. In
the immortal words of Pierce Morgan (a sentence I never thought I’d write), this
dud-like duo is “saving the planet, one private jet at a time.” Pierce and I
don’t have many shared opinions, but I would have to agree that, in this case,
the optics weren’t great.
In fact, as far as I can see, the only preservation efforts
these two have ever truly taken – i.e., the only indications that they truly care about the environment – are a
couple of photo ops in Africa and a promise not to pollute the planet with babies.
Eh. Does that even count? I give this “effort” a C- at best, much like Meghan’s
acting ability. Listen, I’m sure the two mean well (maybe), but this
planet-saving passion rings a bit false to me. Am I being unfair? I mean, it is
possible. After all, I don’t really like them.
Here’s some evidence that I am being unfair: the Sussexes certainly are not the first or only
members of the BRF to fly private, nor are they unknown to fly commercial. And
in some ways, as mentioned above, it makes total sense for royals of all varieties
to travel Elite Class. For starters, I’m sure there are many, many security
concerns on a commercial flight. And scheduling issues. And luggage. And kids.
And, well, pretty much everything else that you and I do all the time, never
realizing what hardy stuff we’re made of. We’re like the early pioneers. The
problem with this argument is, of course, that royals do fly commercial. Even the British
royals fly commercial – and they are, obviously, not only better than you and me,
but also better than every other royal family in the history of the planet
they’re so desperately trying to save.
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Here are the Cambridges - and their nanny - on Thursday after having deplaned their commercial flight from England to Scotland en route to visit the queen at Balmoral. (Inset: The UnreMarkleable Duchess trying to sneak onto her climate-killing private jet.)
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| Please note how Princes William and George - both future kings - carry some of their own luggage, with George trying to grab more from his dad. Authentic moment or brilliant PR move? Either way, I'd say this family's PR people are waaaay more competent than the in-laws'. |
Anyway, the point is, the BRF flying commercial is not something that is totally unheard of or impossible to make happen. And, when one of your main platforms is saving the environment, especially from the evils of climate change, shouldn’t you do everything in your power to prevent changing the climate with your private jet-fuel emissions? And, if you truly believed in such a cause, wouldn’t you insist on limiting your carbon footprint, even if it makes your life a bit more difficult? (It’s not like either of these two has a problem being inflexible when they really want something.) It is, after all, what they think you and I should be doing. All I’m saying is, it looks just a bit disingenuous to lecture all of us on our duty to protect the environment and then hop on a private luxury liner, knowing full-well that it will undoubtedly be spewing climate-endangering exhaust all along the way. Unless of course this is a magical plane, much like Charlize Theron’s (another great champion of Earth), which was undoubtedly fueled entirely by vegetable oil and angel farts.
Surely it can’t really
come as a surprise to these spoiled spouses or their (out-of-touch) celebrity
supporters, then, that the public is reacting negatively to this latest
misstep. I mean, when you set yourself up as champions of a cause, you can’t be
shocked when there’s backlash to behavior that seems counterproductive to that very
cause. Of course, this is the Sussexes (and their [out-of-touch] celebrity
supporters) we’re talking about; the Sussexes, whose behavior up until now
seems to indicate that they think they are much, much better – and smarter –
than everyone else. Maybe they thought we would all be so awed by their
greatness that we wouldn’t notice their hypocrisy. And, boy, do the Sourpuss
Sussexes know how to do hypocrisy. These are two of the most vocal members of
the BRF[2],
nay, the world, about their passion for saving the planet, and yet they refused
to fly commercial, an exponentially more environmentally-friendly decision. Seriously,
are their PR people asleep? Or have they simply been fired? Hopefully if
and when the undynamic duo finds a new royal mouthpiece, said mouthpiece will
remind these two that (a) standing for something means that sometimes you have
to make sacrifices by choosing option A even when you really, really want to
choose option F (as in major PR Fail);
and (b) if you’re unwilling to do that very basic thing, then it starts to look
a little like those things that you say really, really matter to you don’t actually really, really matter to you.[3]
Still, though I think it’s pretty clear that neither of this
privileged pair has come out looking particularly good here, I dare say that this
was a bigger PR fail for the duchess. Let me explain: The SGP is still cashing
in on the goodwill created by his mom and grandmum. That goodwill is,
admittedly, running low, especially after asinine behavior like this, but the
account does appear to still contain some
funds. For now. The UnreMarkleable Duchess, on the other hand - and as we’ve discussed - started behind the goodwill eight ball. This means that MM really
needed a win here. She didn’t get it. And not only was this a giant fail, but, for
those of us who have been questioning the duchess’s authenticity pretty
much since the courtship of Archie’s father began, it would have been nice to
see her – and her gingersnap husband – show some truly authentic strength of
conviction. But it didn’t happen. And not only that, but this tone-deaf and
ostentatious behavior does very little to silence those critics who are
convinced MM is in this marriage solely for the luxurious lifestyle it affords
her. Well, the luxury and fame – as long as the fame is entirely on her terms (see, e.g., reports that, when at
Wimbledon this year, the demanding duchess insisted that an entire section of
seats be left open for her alone, and that no one, absolutely no one, be
allowed to take her picture. Yep, she’s super down to earth and relatable).
Anyway, the point is, this debacle didn’t do much to soften
the view some of us more judgmental folks may currently be sporting about this
caustic couple. Still, even I can admit that, to the duchess’s credit, for a
D-list actress, she has really perfected that sanctimonious, “better-than” celebrity
attitude; you know, the one that requires the little people to “do as I say,
not as I do.” After all, it’s pretty obvious that this “elite” group doesn’t
want the rules they wholeheartedly support to apply to them; no, those
restrictions are for everyone else. Yes, it’s really quite impressive how
quickly the UnreMarkleable Duchess was able to slip into her superior-acting
role, easily embracing the elitist mentality of her famous friends. And it’s
even more impressive when you consider that up until about five minutes ago,
her biggest accomplishment in life was a supporting role on a cable show. Oh, how
quickly they forget. So, on second thought, maybe she’s not a hypocrite at all.
Maybe she’s just a forgetful person who innocuously forgot that she cares about
the environment. Maybe what she needs is not a strong dose of self-awareness,
but simply some ginkgo biloba to help improve her brain function and memory.
Sure, and maybe Hayden Christensen will finally learn how to
act.
No, I think it’s much more likely that the UnreMarkleable
Duchess and her tantrum-throwing hubby are hypocrites of the highest order,
which is why today, my friends, hypocrisy’s name is most definitely Sussex.
[1] I must admit, I’m almost
ready to retire this moniker. There’s nothing about the Sweet Ginger Prince
that seems particularly sweet anymore.
[2] Admittedly, Prince Charles is also a giant hypocrite
when it comes to the inconsistencies between his climate-championing lectures
and his environment-killing actions, but he’s just too boring to even write
another word about.
[3] Also, just as a little aside, if you’re unwilling to do it, you sure as hell better not be telling
me that I should do it. If it’s such
a great idea, you go first.
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