‘Til (Almost) Death Do We Part

In a world where marriages come with a 30-day trial period and quickie internet divorces are as instant as a cup of Folgers, it seems miraculous for one’s wedding vows to remain unbroken for even a decade. Sure, there are plenty of marriages that have beaten the odds, but for every Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward (married 50 years) and Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara (married 57 years), there are many more Britney Spears and Jason Alexander(s) (married 55 hours) and Mario Lopez and Ali Landry(s) (married 2 weeks).

Sure, not living in Hollywood increases your marriage-enduring odds exponentially, but given some recent events in Italy, it’s painfully obvious that there are no guarantees in the business of being married.

For, you see, it seems that a 99-year-old Italian man, known only as Antonio C., is divorcing his 96-year-old wife after 77 years of marriage. Seventy-seven years. I can’t even count that high.

You may be asking yourself what on earth would provoke a man—after 77 years—to divorce his wife; a woman who he’s presumably seen at her absolute worst and her, him. What incites a man to leave the woman with whom he’s had five children, 12 grandchildren, and one great-grandchild after nearly eight decades together?

Lies, that’s what.

Apparently Mr. C. recently stumbled across love letters exchanged between his wife Rosa and her lover. That’s right. Rosa had an affair. 60 years ago.  And after finding the evidence of his wife’s infidelity, Antonio was apparently unable—to (sort of) quote The Lion King’s deep-thinking warthog, Pumba—to put his behind in his past. I can’t say that I necessarily blame him. That’s six decades of lies fermenting in an antique chest of drawers. Not to mention the fact that she kept the letters. For 60 years. That’s gotta sting if you’re the husband.

Obviously this is a messy situation, in which there is no winner. All I know is that on our friend Antonio’s next birthday, he’ll have the opportunity to not only celebrate hitting the century mark but also hitting the town as a single dude.

Wonder where a centenarian goes to pick up chicks...