It should be pretty obvious by now that our “weekly”
installments are anything but. That said,
there’s no time like the present to get things back on track, and no better man
to get us there than…
Leonardo DiCaprio!
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| Vintage Leo |
You may notice that the picture I’ve chosen is not of
today’s Leonardo DiCaprio, but of yesteryear’s variety. Yes, friends, I prefer
Leo circa 1997, as opposed to Leo circa 2012. I find the vintage model
so much more appealing; perhaps it was his boyish good looks.
(Sidebar: This seems like a good time to mention that,
despite his baby face, he was, in fact, in his 20s during the filming of Titanic—and,
therefore, totally legal—so I better not have any FBI agents showing up at my
door with a warrant.)
Unfortunately, this beautiful version of Leo—Mr.
DiCaprio, if you’re nasty—must have gone down with the Titanic because he hasn’t
been seen since. Sadly, today’s version is slightly hairier and more bloated; presumably,
he’s gained all the weight that his supermodel girlfriends have purged.
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| Modern Leo |
What hasn’t changed, however, is his acting ability. He is,
was, and forevermore will be a stupidly talented actor. He’s done incredible
work since Titanic, but it won’t matter. Nope. No matter how great the rest of
his career is, or how fat he gets, he’ll always be the handsome lad doomed to
fall, not only in love (with the unparalleled Kate Winslet), but also to the
bottom of the ocean, aboard the ill-fated luxury liner.
But at least for a time he got to be King of the World—and
thanks to modern-day technology, that’s a memory that we can cling to forever.
You hear that, Leo?
We’ll never let go.
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