Smells Like Team Spirit

I’ve always loved the summer Olympics: diving, rowing, volleyball, gymnastics, you name it (and it doesn’t hurt that this year they’re in London). But did you know that there are some far more obscure events as well? For instance, did you know that the U.S. has a badminton team? Which begs the question, are there badminton leagues?  Seriously, how do you qualify for the Olympic badminton team?

What I’ve come to enjoy the most, however, is swimming. Perhaps it’s because it’s an event that the Americans seem fairly capable of medaling in and the risk of injury is rather slim—unlike gymnastics and diving. It’s because of my love for the American swim team that I wanted to share this video with you (and because NBC continues to suck at life, I can't imbed the video in this blog; you have to click the link. Boo, NBC). I don’t know about you, but I enjoy seeing a little spunk in my Olympians. And seeing as how the International Olympic Committee wants to eliminate every single drop of personality from our ladies and gents, it’s nice to see that the athletes are actually enjoying themselves and aren’t just a bunch of robots—until they hit the pool.

The U. S. Olympic swim team (2012). Who knew there were so many of them?  

I've Solved the Waity Weight Question

It's almost as if she's trying everything in her power to not get knocked up.

No buns in this oven or mouth.

On Kangaroos & Klums: Heidi, That Is.

Listen, I'm going to be honest.

Despite my capital L love for Tim Gunn, I haven't watched Project Runway since it moved to Lifetime.    I know I'm in one half of the show's target demographic- straight girls who love gay men- and am a staunch lover of their other demographic- gay men.

I just couldn't get behind the move to a different network.  Bravo is all about being (or thinking) you're young.  It's flashy.  It's fun.  It's sassy.  It's tragic in that over the top "Should-I-wear-an-Ice-Capades-outfit-to-the-club?  OMG! No-you-shouldn't-because-I-would-have-to-change" way.

Lifetime is just tragic, like sad tragic.  As in "I-don't-know-if-I-can-put-on-clothes-today-but-I've been-wearing-this-outfit-and haven't-taken-a-shower-in-a-week.  Ok-two-weeks" way.

But I digress.

Yesterday, I was walking to meet a friend for dinner who did I happen to see on the side of a bus but HK.  It's the latest advert for the new season of Project Runway and it looks a little something like this:

That's a tall drink of, well, not exactly water...

HK has a diamond for a nipple.  I can never compete.

My first thought was: Why is HK in her underwear on the side of the bus?

My second: Wait, has the show become so gimmicky that it's a full season of underwear designs.  Tragic...Lifetime tragic.

My third: Oh, right.  Now that HK isn't married to Seal and perpetually knocked-up like a kangaroo, I guess that makes it ok to be in you underwear on the side of a bus.  Way to stick it to Seal.  Their children must be so proud.  

My fourth (this morning as I was looking for the picture on the internet): this blog has an excellent point- HK does look like she's going to chop off a nipple.

My fifth:  I must do more research on Kangaroos.  They will be our overloards one day.  Seriously, people.  Three different lady-bits chambers for babies.  We are doomed as a species.

No Good Deed

People get fired for a cornucopia of reasons—stealing, lying, ineptitude, laziness—but it’s rare that someone gets fired for actually DOING HIS JOB (unless he works for the government, of course). Such was the case, though, for Florida lifeguard, Tomas Lopez. You see, Lopez was recently terminated from his position after, wait for it, saving a drowning man.

Tomas Lopez: lifeguard, rule-breaker

The drowning man, who has yet to be identified, had the misfortune of starting to drown 1,500 feet outside of the lifeguard-patrolled area, or, more specifically, in the “swim at your own risk” portion of the ocean. According to Lopez’s boss, Lopez broke the rules by leaving the protected area of the beach to save the man, and was, therefore, terminated from his position. I understand that rules are rules, but c’mon! What was he supposed to do? Let the guy drown? Yeah, that would’ve been great PR for your beach, sir. “Lifeguard watches as man drowns.” I mean, you can’t train someone to save lives and then ask him not to.

But it gets better.

Not only did they fire Lopez, but they also fired several other lifeguards who, when asked, said they’d do what Lopez did—that is, their job—given a similar situation.

They’ve all since been offered their jobs back (I’m sure the bad PR the beach has gotten has nothing to do with it), but Lopez, at least, has politely declined. I can’t say that I blame him. Who wants to work at a place, or for a boss, like that? And to that point, who wants to swim there either? I’d say that a beach where the lifeguards get fired for saving drowning people is a place I’d prefer to steer well clear of.  

So, remember, if you find yourself swimming at a certain beach in Florida, you most definitely swim at your own risk.

All Good Things

It’s the end of an era. The TomKat era, that is. 

Apparently Katie Holmes has finally tired of her odd little husband. I can’t say that I blame her, or that I’m surprised. In fact, if I’m surprised by anything, it’s that she’s taken this long to come to her senses. Let’s don’t forget, she was married to Tom Cruise—the same Tom Cruise who was jumping on couches proclaiming his love for her (or to make himself look taller, depending on who you ask) and lecturing Matt Lauer on his ignorance of psychiatry. Don’t get me wrong, I, too, feel Matt Lauer is ignorant—for many, many reasons—not to mention a pompous ass, but isn’t Cruise reaming Lauer for his ignorance a bit like Nicolas Cage teaching an acting class or Donald Trump giving hair-styling tips? 

Desperately in love or just desperate?

 

There are several theories floating around as to what caused the split of the eyebrow-raising pair. One, is that there was a contract—outside of the traditional marriage contract—that Katie and Tom entered into pre-wedding, saying that she’d give him five years and a kid and then she could have her life back. The purpose of the marriage, then, was to prove once and for all that Tom Cruise is as heterosexual as they come; that he LOVES women. It’s been five years, so maybe there's some truth to this rumor. Perhaps this divorce signals the end of Katie's indentured servitude. Perhaps she’s finally been granted her freedom; and, as the United States celebrated its Independence Day, Katie Holmes celebrated hers as well.  

Too dramatic?

Another conspiracy theory is that Cruise is unable to stay married to a woman once she hits the big 3-3. He’s been married three times and every divorce has come after his wife’s 33^rd birthday, a milestone Katie celebrated last December.  

These are both interesting ideas, but I happen to believe the much less sensational theory that she simply got tired of being married to a controlling husband and absentee father. After all, every single day there were new pictures of an increasingly gaunt and sullen-looking Katie and her seemingly undisciplined daughter, Suri, in the press. Every day. But where was Tom? Nowhere to be seen. Probably because he was off writing anonymous hate mail to Dr. Drew and waxing his pecs.

Then there’s the whole issue of Scientology, which has understandably been thrust into the spotlight in the wake of the split. I certainly have my own thoughts on the “religion,” but seeing as how the “church” likes to stalk and sue people, I’ll probably just keep those to myself.   

I’ll tell you this much, though: This is a sad, sad day for all of us Valentine-sending, heart-collecting, Love Actually­-watching lovers of love. I mean, if an alien couple, who spent years expressing their love for each other in inappropriate ways, and engaging in painfully awkward and embarrassing PDAs, can’t make it work, then what hope do the rest of us have?!

This is almost as awkward as Angelina and her brother.