But before I break out the syringe, let me first say that, after seeing more recent pictures of her, I’m almost ready to concede that Kate Middleton may in fact be pregnant, which means that, yes, the Deficient Duchess was born under the luckiest star imaginable.
This is a girl, a rather plain one if we’re being honest (and we’re ALWAYS honest here at ATG), who snagged a prince and the limitless adoration of an entire universe without doing one actual thing to earn it. This is a woman whose laziness and unwillingness to work has been documented for years (and, really, her job consists of planting trees and smiling, how hard is that?) yet she’s hailed as a role model for young girls. This is a girl who asks questions like, Can you test the smell (of tea) by smelling it? but is simultaneously held up as the ideal of perfection.
Why?
Because she’s skinny, smiles a lot, says very little (which is probably a direct result of the whole tea-smelling incident), wears (ugly) clothes well, and has shiny hair, which she appears to hot-roller into big, bouncy curls. Listen, I’m not judging her hairstyle choices. I’ve also been known to hot-roller my hair into big, bouncy curls. Of course, I was in eighth grade.
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| I feel like I've seen this pattern before. Oh, yeah. On my grandma's couch. |
But you already know all of this, so there’s really no need to go over it all again.
Let’s instead focus on some more recent news. One of the latest rumors to come flying out of the mill is that, after the alleged baby is born, the Deficient Duchess won’t be staying in the wing of the palace that she and her husband are renovating with $1.5 million of their own hard-earned money. Oh, wait, hold on. My mistake. Someone worked hard for that money but it definitely wasn’t the Loathsome Twosome.
But it doesn't matter who's paying for the renovations because our fair Kate won’t be gracing the halls of Kensington Palace anytime soon. She will instead be staying with…
I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.
Meddling Ma Middleton, of course!
Who better to raise the future queen (or king) of England than a(n alleged) scheming social-climber? That’s great. The heir still can’t marry a Catholic for fear of what it would do to the monarchy, but pushy, calculating in-laws? No problem!
Some people are understandably annoyed with this latest revelation, lamenting that if royals are just going to act like everyone else, what’s the point of having them. This logical argument has been met with some disagreement, the main dissenting opinion being that every new mother should be allowed to take her baby home to mom for the first few weeks. I almost agree. But does every new mother live in a palace? Does every new mother get to live off the taxpayers’ hard-earned money? Is every new mother married to a prince?
Uh, no.
This is the point I’ve been trying to make from the beginning. She’s not normal. She’s not like you and me. Sure, under normal circumstances there’s no problem with a young woman foregoing a job so that she can stay home and take care of her husband/family, or choosing to spend holidays solely with her family as opposed to his, or going to live with her mom for six weeks after birthing her baby. Nothing wrong with that at all. The difference is, KATE’S NOT NORMAL. She didn’t want to be normal. She (and her mom) went to great lengths to make sure that she ended up with an abnormally royal life. Yes, it carries with it some responsibilities, but it also comes with plenty of perks.
The way I see it, Kate needs to pick a side: either be a princess and enjoy all the perks that come with it, as well as some of the less pleasant aspects, or become “every woman” and stop nursing off the public’s teat.
It doesn’t make any difference to me which side you choose, Kate, but just like Benedict Arnold, you’re going to have to pick a side.
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