Go With Your Gut

Remember when you were about to take a test in school and your teacher would tell you to go with your gut when you answered the questions, that your first instinct was probably right? Well, last week, the always-with-their-finger-on-the-pulse-of-reality magazine, People pretty much proved this point by bestowing its most coveted honor – the World’s Most Beautiful Woman title – on the GOOPist herself, Gwyneth Paltrow.

Apparently People’s world is very small. Not so surprising, actually, considering their entire existence revolves around the world of fake breasts, teeth, hair, and talent. 

  The World's Most Beautiful Woman. No, seriously. People decreed it so it must be true.   

 

So, what does this have to do with taking a test? Well, although People may think that the GOOPster is the world’s most beautiful woman, the publishing world’s first reaction – its gut feeling, if you will – was to name her the most hated person in America, with Star magazine bestowing this honor on her just a few weeks earlier.

Obviously one can be both beautiful and hate-inducing; these are not mutually exclusive traits. But Gwynnie would have to be absolutely stunning on the outside to make up for her complete lack of stunningness on the inside. Some people obviously think she’s succeeded in this endeavor. I don’t agree.

This is a woman who claims to represent every woman, but then does stuff like choosing a woman’s must-have wardrobe for the season which, when all the pieces are added up, comes to over $20,000. I’m fairly certain that “every woman” doesn’t get an annual clothes budget of $20K. In fact, I’d venture a guess that Gwyneth spends on clothes what most women make in a year – if they’re lucky.

This is also a woman who designed a COTTON T-SHIRT that she sells for $90, a t-shirt, by the way, that only comes in one size and is guaranteed to fit sizes 0-8. I’m pretty sure a woman who wears a size 8 is built slightly differently than one who wears a 0. AND, what kind of elitist shirt is this? Apparently to be “every woman” you can't be any bigger than an 8. Any bigger than that and you cease to matter. Not so surprising considering the GOOPest was raised in Plasticville, amongst the plastics. In her world, if you don’t like the body God gave you, you buy a new one.  

So, are you sold on her beauty yet? How about her dislikability?

And in case you just can’t get enough of the hate and are wondering who rounded out the top 20 Most Hated, wonder no more:

20. Chris Brown: Admitted girlfriend-beater. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

19. Jesse James a.k.a. Mr. Sandra Bullock: Broke the heart of America's Sweetheart by cheating on her with a Nazi-loving tattooholic. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

18. Taylor Swift: Sings irritating songs in an irritating voice and makes increasingly bad relationship choices...which she then writes irritating songs about that she sings in an irritating voice. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

17. Shia LaBeouf: I don't really get this one. Is he even still around?

16. Lindsay Lohan: A drunken has-been who can't seem to stay out of bars...or court. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

15. Angelina Jolie: See #17.

14. Jay Leno: Has a really huge chin and next to no ability to make me laugh. Oh, yeah, and he pretty much screwed Conan O'Brien out of a job. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

13. Ashton Kutcher: Loud, obnoxious adulterer; produces crap like Beauty and the Geek. Still less hated than Gwyneth (although more hated than Taylor Swift, which I don't really understand).

12. LeAnn Rimes: Word-vomiting, man-stealing Twitteraholic. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

11. Kris Jenner: Spawned the Kardashians. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

10. Kim Kardashian: Self-adoring, completely overrated narcissist who allows herself to be peed on. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

9. Anne Hathaway: See #10 (minus the peeing part). Still less hated than Gwyneth.

8. Justin Bieber: Foolish, foolish immature man-child who can't go five minutes without saying something royally stupid. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

7. Madonna: Self-adoring, faux-English-accent-using (hello, she's from Michigan!), completely overrated narcissist with no self-respect. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

6. Matt Lauer: Two words: Benedict Arnold. Totally threw my beloved Ann Curry under the bus, resulting in her losing her job. And, again, a totally overrated narcissist (I'm seeing a pattern here...). Still less hated than Gwyneth.

5. Katherine Heigl: Subpar actress with a resume full of nearly unwatchable flops. Also a self-adoring, overrated...well, you get the drift. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

4. John Mayer: Please, does this one even require explanation? Still less hated than Gwyneth.

3. Jennifer Lopez: Adulteress with an ego even bigger than her ass. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

2. Kristen Stewart: Subpar actress with no fashion sense, a broken moral compass, and a perma-look of constipation on her face. Still less hated than Gwyneth.

And, of course...

1. Gwyneth Paltrow: The Most Hated Person in America

You may notice that a lot of these people are characters that we’ve previously blogged about hating.

Apparently ATG is more with it than People.

But, then, you probably already knew that.