And Don’t Call Me Sweetheart

Y’all, it may surprise you to hear this, but I don’t like Ashley Judd. It used to be a low-level hate, based mostly on her complete lack of acting ability and her face, but it’s recently risen to a DEFCON 1, maybe 2, level of hate. And, shockingly, this change in opinion is entirely unrelated to her face or lack of talent (both of which I still find fairly offensive). Apparently I’m growing as a person. I know. I’m pretty impressed with myself too.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. This new level of hate does come courtesy of her face – or at least part of it. It’s her mouth, or, more specifically, the nonsense it spews, that elicits such ire. I admit, this isn’t a new occurrence. She’s been spewing nonsense for years. Most celebrities do. But this newest nonsense offends me to my glittery core. In fact, it’s a glitterocity.

Yes, Ashley Judd’s stupidity hit Kanye levels in a recent Facebook Live post. In case you don’t feel like subjecting yourself to the insanity perpetuated in the video below, let me give you the CliffsNotes version. It all boils down to this: Ashley Judd finds it very offensive when a man calls her sweetheart. Or compliments her dress. This is, as she calls it, “everyday sexism.” That’s it in a nutshell, but in case you’re a masochist (as I apparently am) and would like a little more detail, here you go:

Ashley Judd, she who has singlehandedly taken up the fight for all women, one airport security officer at a time, recently found herself, no surprise, in an airport security line. So far so good. But it’s what happened next that really offended her delicate sensibilities.

Please brace yourself. What she was forced to endure is truly appalling and may not be suitable for the faint of heart. No human should ever be treated with such disregard.

As Princess Ashley was making her way through security, one of the guards said, wait for it, “hey, sweetheart.” What??!? The gall of him. I’m almost overwhelmed with fury. How. Dare. He. Not one to stand for such disrespect, our fearless leader, Ashley the Magnificent, quickly put this vile human in his place. She quickly reminded him that a) she wasn’t his sweetheart, and b) she was his client. Does her awesomeness know no bounds? Katemazing better watch out. There may be a new savior in town.

Unfortunately this encounter would get worse before it got better. (I know it’s tough, but we’ll get through this together.) After the peasant was reminded that he was *cough* essentially her Highness’s employee, he had the audacity to—it’s almost too upsetting to say—compliment her dress. You just can’t make this stuff up. I’m sure you would agree that this is a most egregious display of sexism, especially because She of the “nice dress” didn’t hear him compliment anyone else’s dress. I mean, obviously the compliment had nothing to do with him possibly trying to make a nice impression on a famous person. Or trying to rebound from the tongue-lashing he had just received for offending her female sensibilities. No, the only logical explanation is that he was a total sexist pig.

But, wait. There’s more.

As she was moving through the line, this presumptuous, sexist monster deigned to touch her holiness. I know. I know. It’s too much. I can’t imagine the horror. I have never been touched in an airport security line, nor have I ever seen anyone touched—incidentally or otherwise—in an airport security line; so, yet again, the only logical conclusion is that he was belittling and sexisming her.

But, wait. There’s still more. Seriously, just when you thought it couldn’t get worse...

As if he hadn’t already insulted her enough, as she gathered her belongings, trying to put this whole sordid affair behind her, this cad, this dog, this vile human being said, prepare yourself, “Have a good day, sweetheart.” I know. It’s too much. I am completely disheartened by the inhumanity of it all. How can we treat each other with such disrespect? It’s truly sickening. Perhaps you can’t know the true heinousness of the crime unless you watch the video below. But please, please if you have children in the room, remove them before watching it. Children shouldn’t have to be subjected to such ugliness.

Guys, I can’t. Considering this is a woman who is famous solely for her last name and boobs – which, incidentally, she apparently has no issue displaying ad nauseam on film – she takes herself way, way too seriously. Maybe this guy was just being nice. I’ve certainly been called honey, or sweetie, or yes even *gasp* sweetheart a time or two—by both men and women—and I’ve never found it to be particularly offensive. In fact, I almost consider it a term of endearment. Perhaps it’s my southern roots. But, then, Ashley (or perhaps that’s too familiar; would you prefer I call you Ms. Judd, sweetheart?) grew up in Kentucky so who the hell knows what her problem is?

What I am fairly certain of, however, is that turning this into another gender war is just stupid. It simplifies the issue way too much, completely dumbing it down. (Of course, this is the woman who called a conveyer belt a doohickey, so not a huge surprise.) I worked with a lovely woman this summer, the office momager if you will, who called everyone baby. Men and women alike. It didn’t feel offensive or disrespectful. But, then, I wasn’t looking for things to be offended by. Perhaps that’s the difference. And to be fair, I’ve heard plenty of women refer to men, both young and old, as sweetie or honey. Would this have elicited the same response from Her Majassty? I’m guessing no.

But if you thought all of the above was the purpose of this post, you would be wrong. Let me explain why I find this type of rant so offensive: Sexism exists. It’s an unfortunate commentary on the world, but there it is. There are women who are grossly mistreated or underestimated simply because they are women, both internationally and at home. So when a pampered princess like Ashley Judd goes on a rant because some peasant called her sweetheart, she minimizes and dilutes every legitimate claim of sexism that follows. People become so immune to the claims, so numb, that they can no longer be incensed – or even sympathetic – to authentic cries of sexism. That’s what she should be railing against: the false claims, those that lessen the legitimacy of every real one.

But of course she’s not doing that. Why do something that matters when instead you can waste everyone’s time with your elitist, easily offended, nonsense, while simultaneously slandering a guy who was probably just trying to do his job – and was perhaps a little star struck as well? All while wearing a giant floppy hat. In an airport. To avoid attention, I’m sure.

And speaking of her appearance, since she basically dared me to address it, does anyone else find it ironic that a woman who presents herself as such an I-am-woman-hear-me-roar, don’t-call-me-sweetie kind of gal has had so much plastic surgery? Do you suppose she did it for herself, to fulfill some deep-seated need within her? Because, I mean, surely she didn’t do it for a man. That would be entirely unacceptable, completely sad and utterly pathetic. After all, strong women don’t need a man’s approval.

They do, however, apparently need a lot of Botox and Restylane.