Mommy Dearest

Remember gratitude journals? I think it was an Oprah thing – from, like, 1997. Anyway, I had a teacher who was very into it and made us journal about the five things we were grateful for at the start of each class. What would have made me most grateful would have been to not have to do a stupid gratitude journal – or sit through her class – but being a firstborn, and a Virgo, I dutifully did what was asked of me. I’m pretty sure my list perpetually consisted of variations on: my family, my friends, Diet Coke, mascara, and toilet paper. And since then, I’m pretty much grateful every day that I don’t have to journal about my gratitude.

Today, however, for the first time since that class ended, I found myself considering resurrecting the gratitude journal. Yes, my friends, that’s how grateful I felt. So grateful in fact that had it been an entry in my journal, it may very well have occupied spots one through five on the list. What is it that has me exploding with gratitude you ask?

I am eternally grateful that Kelly Preston is not my mom.

Random, I know, but stick with me. Today I found myself killing time by reading various celebrity gossip pieces, and as I did, a story about John Travolta’s daughter popped up. To be clear, I forget John Travolta exists most of the time, but I’m always curious to see what the progeny of the rich and famous looks like. Spoiler alert: this particular progeny, Ella Bleu, looks a lot like her dad, which is kind of too bad. (After all, the only good thing about having Kelly Preston as your mom is looking like her.) To be clear, this sentiment is not specific to Kelly Preston or her non-look-alike daughter. The simple truth is, when a girl looks like her dad, even if he’s a handsome fella (which I don’t particularly find JTrav to be, but, hey, to each her own), it doesn’t always translate well into female attractiveness. And I’m totally allowed to say this because I, a girl, look like my dad.

Conversely, Kelly Preston is a babe. And I say that as a totally straight female. She may be a monster on the inside – which we’ll get to in a second – but on the outside, she’s pretty much gorgeous. And herein lies the problem. How does a girl—who, through no fault of her own, looks like her semi-aesthetically offensive father, while simultaneously finding herself in the throes of that awkward teenage phase—deal with the pressure of having a mother who graced the pages of People’s 50 Most Beautiful edition? That’s got to wreak havoc on a girl’s self-esteem.

And after seeing the picture below, I’m more convinced than ever that Ella is struggling with the pressures of being born to two of the world’s most beautiful People, who also happen to be the world's third and sixth most famous Scientologists. [Am I wrong, or is being born into a Scientologist household enough of a fate-wielding bitch slap to the face without adding a momster to the equation?] 

This poor girl looks like she wishes she could blend into the carpet, the door, the red pants on the lady behind her. In fact, she almost looks like an assistant or nanny or publicist hiding in the background, while her mom basks in all her B-list glory. Even that kid is allowed his moment in the spotlight, while Cinder-Ella is forced to remain hidden in the back. It kind of breaks my Grinch-sized heart.

And though it was the above picture that first caught my attention, it didn’t take long to realize that this was far from an isolated occurrence. There are a plethora of photos of Ella Bleu (or is Blue more appropriate?) standing alone in the shadows, left behind by a media-loving mother desperate to soak up the last drops of attention her waning celebrity provide. It just feels gross. Especially because Ella appears to have once had a good relationship with her mom. There are plenty of pictures of Kelly loving on her daughter. They cease, however, about the time Ella hit, I don’t know, 12(ish). And I can’t help but wonder if it’s, in part at least, because Ella has landed squarely in her “awkward phase”; and, similar to most adolescents hurdling themselves through this most unfortunate period, the younger Travolta no longer fits into the picture-perfect Travolta family image Ms. Preston (because she’s nasty – and not in a good way) is trying to perpetuate. 

BEFORE:

AFTER:

  It looks like they waited for her to turn around  
and then took off without her. 

 

Fortunately for Ella, she still has a dad who seems happy to be seen with her in public. Thank goodness for small blessings, I suppose. And speaking of blessings, I’m counting mine that I was able to endure my greasy-haired, zit-covered, deodorant-spurning years in semi-private. It's bad enough that those moments were memorialized in my yearbooks; I can’t imagine having them splashed across the internet for all the world to see. 

Cinder-Ella Bleu

Blue for a Bleu

I think what makes the lack of physical contact between mother and daughter all the more obvious is that Kelly is ALWAYS touching her husband. The photo below captured an especially cringe-worthy moment, but it's nearly impossible to find any where they’re not touching.

It's equal parts comical and gross.

We get it, guys. He’s straight. Very, very straight. So straight, in fact, that you can’t keep your hands off each other. Because your sex life is A-MAZING. Let me say one more time: We. Get. It. And I think I speak for everyone in the entire universe when I say, no one cares. At all.

Also, ewww.

I guess maybe I shouldn’t be so judgmental (ha!) about a mother's parenting choices, especially a mother who has suffered the incredible tragedy of the loss of a child. After all, no one knows for sure what goes on behind closed doors. In fact, despite what the photos seem to indicate, perhaps Kelly is actually Mother of the Year. Perhaps she stands in front of her daughter, sucking up all the attention and ignoring her child like she would a psychiatrist, in order to shield Ella from any unwanted attention.

But…

I doubt it.

Besides, that doesn’t really fit the narrative I’ve created in my head. And if I’ve learned anything during my hiatus from ATG, it’s that I don’t want to live in a world that in any way contradicts the narratives I've created in my head.