Open Mouth. Insert Louboutin.

Kathie Lee Gifford.

Just her name can evoke strong emotion, negative emotion for many, but until recently I never really understood the negativity. In fact, I’ve been known to defend her against some of her more vocal detractors. But even I can’t defend her latest guffaw, nor would I want to.

Let me set the scene: Martin Short was recently on the fourth hour of The Today Show, an hour infamous for sloppy reporting and inebriated hosts, one of whom is Kathie Lee. She and her only slightly less worthless cohost, Hoda Kotb, began asking Short—who was promoting his latest film Madagascar 3—questions about his personal life and, specifically, his marriage. Gifford asked Short how long he’d been married, how he and his wife kept the love alive in their relationship, and the secret to an enduring marriage. All appropriate questions, except for one thing: Martin Short’s wife, Nancy, is dead.

And has been since 2010, when she fell victim to ovarian cancer.

  "Let me distract you from the stupidity coming out of my mouth by doing these cool hand gestures." 

I mean, really, there are struggling and out-of-work journalists out there and this fool gets her own show? Twice? It would almost be funny if it wasn’t so sad. For future reference, Kathie Lee, there’s a little thing called research. Maybe you should try it next time. To her credit, she did offer an on-air apology once she’d been notified of what a giant ass she’d just made of herself, but honestly, too little too late.

And proving yet again what a class act he is, Mr. Short never called her out for being an idiot; he instead tried to answer the asinine questions to the best of his ability—albeit, slightly confusedly—and has even come to her defense, saying, “people make mistakes.”

It’s true. People do make mistakes.

Especially when they can’t be bothered to do their homework.

Trojan Man!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you think, This can’t really be happening; this is just a bad dream? For celebrities those moments usually come in the form of a wardrobe malfunction or sex tape, but for Disney pretty boy, Zac Efron, it came in a small, foil package.

The best part was, of course, that it happened at the premiere of Efron’s new film, The Lorax. A Dr. Seuss film, by the way. You remember Dr. Seuss: writer of children’s books; creator of family-friendly entertainment; the man whose wholesomeness is on par with Disney. Yeah, that Dr. Seuss.

My question is, why in the world would the Disney darling carry such a controversial accessory in his front pocket? If he has to have it, why not carry it in the more secure back pocket? Admittedly, I don’t walk around with condoms in my pockets—front or back—but I have lost a tiny fortune in small bills that unknowingly slipped out of the front of my jeans: $5 here, $20 there. (Of course, if you find any $100 bills, those are totally mine too.)

It begs the question: Did he do it on purpose? Sure, he looks convincingly embarrassed in the video, but it is getting a lot of publicity; publicity that the movie may not have gotten otherwise. Or maybe it really was just an accident, maybe the foil-wrapped safety device was simply in his front pocket so that it would be more easily accessible. Why he would need a prophylactic at a children’s movie, I’m not sure; but, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m old fashioned.  

Clearly, times have changed—even for Disney stars—but I leave you with this thought: Can you imagine if Hayley Mills had bent over at the premiere of The Parent Trap and birth control pills had fallen out of her purse?

Yeah, me neither.