What a Tangled Web We Weave

I’ve made no secret about my love for reality TV, but even I questioned my sanity as I sat watching Part 2 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills's three-part reunion on Monday. These women are so vile, so fake, so infuriating that they’ve sucked almost all the enjoyment out of my viewing experience. As I sat there Monday night, I was just on the verge of changing the channel when something brilliant happened: Eddie Cibrian’s (of LeAnn Rimes adulterer fame) ex-wife, Brandi Glanville, who is a new addition to the show this season, made her appearance. And not a moment too soon. 

The Housewives' one-woman Greek chorus, Brandi Glanville

 

Who would’ve thought that this loud, brash, vulgar woman would be the voice of reason among these more “cultured” broads? Sure she’s a tad crazy—dropping f-bombs like Jerry Garcia dropped acid and matter-of-factly admitting that she’d slashed her ex’s tires—but she said everything I wanted to say and more. (Not sure what that indicates about me.)  HousHO

Ms. Glanville took several of the women to task—including Kyle “I’m so beautiful that everything I say is hilarious and you must love me” Richards for her mean-girl ways—but my absolute favorite was the showdown she had with Taylor “I’m a giant liar and everything about me is fake including my name and especially my lips” Armstrong. 

Taylor Armstrong/Taylor Ford/Shana Hughes

 

For those of you who don’t know, Armstrong’s estranged husband, Russell, committed suicide in August of last year. A tragedy for sure. But since then, Taylor has gone full throttle with accusations of domestic abuse. The problem is, none of her stories add up.

He punched her in the face at the Four Seasons and gave her a black eye (pictures of which were widely circulated).  Actually, he punched her in the face at home and gave her a black eye. Oh, wait, no he punched her in the eye and left no mark.

He broke her jaw. No, no, he dislocated her jaw. She had to pop it back in over the toilet. No, sorry, she had to pop it back in lying in bed.

It’s stuff like that. (Feel free to Google it for complete lists and timelines.) Nothing huge, but enough discrepancies to question her reliability. These are details that, if true, you’d expect to be seared into her brain. Obviously, I can’t definitively say whether or not she was in an abusive relationship. The problem is, there are only two people who can; and, unfortunately, one of them is a known fabricator and the other one is dead.

And then there’s the fact that the father of her child’s body is barely in the ground and she’s already written a book about him...and found herself a new boyfriend (allegedly).

She's recently started making the talk-show circuit to promote her book—periodically getting tripped up in her double speak—which is why when the aforementioned Brandi referred to the Armstrong marriage on the reunion and Taylor snapped at her that it was none of her (Brandi’s) business and Brandi fired back with, “You’ve made it the world’s business,” I wanted to give Brandi a standing ovation—or at least buy her a drink. Truer words have never been spoken, at least not on a Housewives show.

And speaking of true words—or untrue, as it were—Taylor was recently caught posting book reviews to her Twitter account under fake profiles. Unfortunately for her, she forgot to log out of her own account before making the comment. 

Taylor's biggest fan

Just one more thing that calls her character into question.

Please know that this blog is in no way meant to condone domestic violence, and the fact that she’s an exceptionally unlikeable human being doesn’t mean she wasn’t in an abusive relationship. My guess, however, is that neither Taylor nor Russell was blameless in this scenario and it’s unfortunate that the accused isn’t here to defend himself.

I suppose the reality is that we’ll never know what truly went down in the Armstrong household.

Guess it’s just one more unsolved mystery to add to the list…