Today’s Blog Brought to You by the Letter ‘D’…for Delusional

Apparently I’m a masochist. That’s the only defense I have to defend the indefensible.

I didn’t mean to watch it. Honest. I had intended to take my ratings elsewhere, to wash my hair, to rotate my tires, to do anything else. Then the inevitable happened: commercial break. And I found myself flipping from whatever I had been watching, probably a Real Housewives of some flavor, to the forbidden channel—just for a second. It was only meant to be for a second. But like with any good train wreck, I just couldn’t tear myself away.

And that, my friends, is how I found myself watching Guiliana Rancic’s interview with…

LeAnn Rimes.

Oh, the shame.

Go ahead and judge me. I deserve it. I watched to the bitter end.

I lost close to an hour of my life watching this exceedingly unlikeable woman trying to convince the world that she’s really quite likeable—with little success—and discussing in extreme detail the emotional toll that being a homewrecker takes on a person. I mean, have you ever, for even a second, considered how difficult breaking up two families is? Really people, how insensitive can you be?   

Life is just so, so hard...

LeAnn the Martyr mentioned how she wished she could have handled "the situation" -- that is, the homewrecking (a word, no surprise, that she's not fond of) -- differently; and how she wishes that things could've gone "better." For her. She then quickly added that she wanted it to also be better for (her husband’s ex-wife) Brandi, (her husband) Eddie, and her husband’s two sons, so as not to sound like a complete beast. Too little too late, LeAnn.

She also mentioned how optimistic she was for the future success of her marriage because, after all, she and Eddie had already been through so much together—so many “hardships,” as she calls them.

Yes, in her little mind, she and Eddie have truly been tested in their relationship and they have successfully navigated it all. They “fought for each other,” despite the fact that “it was the hardest thing (she’s) ever been through in (her) life.” To listen to her talk, you’d think she was the innocent victim in all of this—and I’m pretty sure she thinks she is.

This girl has turned delusion into an art form.  

Here’s a little hint, LeAnn: When you’re trying to convince people how altruistic you are, don’t continuously mention how hard the destruction of your marriage, and ensuing backlash, has been on you—how it’s affecting you—when you it’s all a direct result of choices you willingly made.

Then, in what I suppose was intended to be a show of solidarity, LeAnn’s co-philanderer (and husband) joined the interview. Honestly, I’ve seen more chemistry between two cats in heat. If the idea was to show their unconditional and undeniable love for each other, and explain why they simply had to cheat on (and leave) their respective spouses to be together, they failed. Terribly. 

Oh wow, someone get these two a room.

Quite honestly, if this interview did anything, it simply made me dislike these two more than before. Not exactly the P.R. coup they were likely hoping for.

And here’s just one more tidbit of advice, LeAnn: Stop talking. Stop Tweeting. Stop doing interviews. Go be with the husband you profess to love so much. And stop flooding the atmosphere with your word vomit.

Or is it possible that you’re constantly telling the world how perfect your marriage is—and how amazing your life is—not because you’re trying to convince us, but because you’re trying to convince yourself?

It’s sad, really. And I’d feel sorry for you…

if you hadn’t brought the whole thing on yourself.

What a Tangled Web We Weave

I’ve made no secret about my love for reality TV, but even I questioned my sanity as I sat watching Part 2 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills's three-part reunion on Monday. These women are so vile, so fake, so infuriating that they’ve sucked almost all the enjoyment out of my viewing experience. As I sat there Monday night, I was just on the verge of changing the channel when something brilliant happened: Eddie Cibrian’s (of LeAnn Rimes adulterer fame) ex-wife, Brandi Glanville, who is a new addition to the show this season, made her appearance. And not a moment too soon. 

The Housewives' one-woman Greek chorus, Brandi Glanville

 

Who would’ve thought that this loud, brash, vulgar woman would be the voice of reason among these more “cultured” broads? Sure she’s a tad crazy—dropping f-bombs like Jerry Garcia dropped acid and matter-of-factly admitting that she’d slashed her ex’s tires—but she said everything I wanted to say and more. (Not sure what that indicates about me.)  HousHO

Ms. Glanville took several of the women to task—including Kyle “I’m so beautiful that everything I say is hilarious and you must love me” Richards for her mean-girl ways—but my absolute favorite was the showdown she had with Taylor “I’m a giant liar and everything about me is fake including my name and especially my lips” Armstrong. 

Taylor Armstrong/Taylor Ford/Shana Hughes

 

For those of you who don’t know, Armstrong’s estranged husband, Russell, committed suicide in August of last year. A tragedy for sure. But since then, Taylor has gone full throttle with accusations of domestic abuse. The problem is, none of her stories add up.

He punched her in the face at the Four Seasons and gave her a black eye (pictures of which were widely circulated).  Actually, he punched her in the face at home and gave her a black eye. Oh, wait, no he punched her in the eye and left no mark.

He broke her jaw. No, no, he dislocated her jaw. She had to pop it back in over the toilet. No, sorry, she had to pop it back in lying in bed.

It’s stuff like that. (Feel free to Google it for complete lists and timelines.) Nothing huge, but enough discrepancies to question her reliability. These are details that, if true, you’d expect to be seared into her brain. Obviously, I can’t definitively say whether or not she was in an abusive relationship. The problem is, there are only two people who can; and, unfortunately, one of them is a known fabricator and the other one is dead.

And then there’s the fact that the father of her child’s body is barely in the ground and she’s already written a book about him...and found herself a new boyfriend (allegedly).

She's recently started making the talk-show circuit to promote her book—periodically getting tripped up in her double speak—which is why when the aforementioned Brandi referred to the Armstrong marriage on the reunion and Taylor snapped at her that it was none of her (Brandi’s) business and Brandi fired back with, “You’ve made it the world’s business,” I wanted to give Brandi a standing ovation—or at least buy her a drink. Truer words have never been spoken, at least not on a Housewives show.

And speaking of true words—or untrue, as it were—Taylor was recently caught posting book reviews to her Twitter account under fake profiles. Unfortunately for her, she forgot to log out of her own account before making the comment. 

Taylor's biggest fan

Just one more thing that calls her character into question.

Please know that this blog is in no way meant to condone domestic violence, and the fact that she’s an exceptionally unlikeable human being doesn’t mean she wasn’t in an abusive relationship. My guess, however, is that neither Taylor nor Russell was blameless in this scenario and it’s unfortunate that the accused isn’t here to defend himself.

I suppose the reality is that we’ll never know what truly went down in the Armstrong household.

Guess it’s just one more unsolved mystery to add to the list…