Jenny on the Block

Well, it had to happen eventually, I suppose. When you take a former Playboy model who looks like Barbie but acts like a dude and introduce her to an aging, rattail-loving boy bander, and then immediately tell them to lie horizontally, give them lollipops to suck on and encourage them to “talk dirty,” sparks are probably going to fly.

It’s almost inevitable. The 90’s gods practically require it.

And so it was that our Boyfriend, Donnie Wahlberg came to be dating Jenny McCarthy.

I’ll admit that when I first heard this news, it struck me as strange. They just seemed like an odd coupling choice – not odd enough to land on the list, but still a bit bizarre. But, after further consideration (because, really, what else do I have going on in my life besides obsessively dissecting every detail of this relationship) I have to begrudgingly admit that they actually kind of make sense. 

1. They’re both divorced parents. 
2. Neither one seems particularly tall – or interested in talking about much more than their bedroom and/or bathroom activities. 
3. She’s blonde (it may not be natural, but I’m pretty sure nobody dates Jenny McCarthy for her natural look), which his track record proves that he prefers (because he’s a gentleman?). 
4. And, let’s be honest, he (along with half of the men in this country and abroad) was able to see her boobs without ever having to buy her dinner. What guy doesn’t like that deal?

So, you see, they really make sense.

And now that she’s taking over for Joy Behar on The View, she’ll have the ultimate platform to reveal all kinds of inappropriate details about their relationship (quite possibly involving both bedroom and bathroom activities). No one will see it, of course, because, really, who watches The View, but if it’s juicy enough, we’ll all hear about it. Over and over and over.

Good luck with that one, Donnie. I have a feeling you’re going to need it.