Celebrating the Similar

We at ATG love a good doppelgänger. From celebs to athletes, we love calling attention to each other’s similarities. After all, if we could only learn to focus on our similarities instead of our differences, wouldn’t the world, nay the universe, be a better place? But that’s ATG for you. Making the universe a better place one blog post at a time.

So in the interest of our continued role as the great uniters of the universe, the role you’ve come to expect from us, we bring you this doppelgänger-filled celebration of similarities, sure to unite all the land. And for this installment, we have chosen to highlight the Real Housewives. Heaven knows they could use an extra shot or two of love and light – and perhaps a couple fewer of Botox and Restylane.

Now, don’t expect us to go for the low-hanging fruit. We’ve never been ones to take the easy route. There will be no comparisons of New Jersey’s Melissa Gorga to a horse, nor Beverly Hills’s Kyle Richards to Demi Moore (honestly, I think Kyle looks more like The Firm’s Jennifer Carman anyway), nor even New Jersey’s Joe Guidice to a hobbit. No, we won’t mention a word of it.

And it is precisely because we aim a little higher that our comparisons may take a little more work to see, but I assure you that they aren’t any less true. At least in my head. And if you’ve learned anything by now, dear readers, it’s that if it exists in my head, it’s gospel.

[Disclaimer: As I’m sure we all know, doppelgängers don’t always look super doppelgängy when put side-by-side, so I would encourage you to approach this post as you would an abstract painting. Don’t look directly at the pictures, or, if you must, perhaps try to blur your vision a little. But however you choose to examine it, all I ask is that you bear with me, even if the similarities aren’t super obvious to you at first. After all, we’re trying to unite here. And the first step to unification is agreeing with everything I say.]

Now, without further ado, I give you...  

New York’s Sonja Morgan as Barbra Streisand

Her Ladyship (L) and that Funny Lady (R)

Sonja Morgan, everyone’s favorite delusional diva. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she fancied herself a bit of a Barbra. She is, after all, very important. With very important friends. It’s probably why she finds it necessary to have interns “working” for her. I’m not entirely sure why you need interns (that’s internS, plural) when you don’t have a job, but I guess those care packages for your daughter don’t pack themselves.

New York’s Carole Radziwill as Nicky Hilton

The princess (L) and the heiress (R)

Ironically, Nicky Hilton is the niece of another Housewives “star,” Kyle Richards, as well as the sister of the infamous Paris Hilton, who "we" obviously all know from her “work” in the “film” 1 Night in Paris (not coming to a theater near you and not in any way safe for work).

Carole, on the other hand, was married to Jackie Kennedy’s nephew, who also happened to be a prince. Of something. This makes Carole a princess. I used to think the only thing princess-like about her was her title, but this season she’s begun to take on a bit of a princess attitude as well. And not in a good way. Apparently her new role as BFF to the insufferable Bethenny Frankel and cougar to a vegan chef makes her better than everyone else. Newsflash, Carole: You’re on a reality show. You’re not out curing cancer. You spend your days curling your hair, plumping your lips, and judging people. I’m not saying I don’t support all of these activities, but if the toughest decision you make all day is whether to wear waterproof or non-waterproof mascara, you don’t have much of a leg (of superiority) to stand on. Sorry, princess.

And speaking of the miserable Bethenny Frankel…

New York’s Bethenny Frankel as The Grinch

I know. It's hard to tell which is the actual Grinch.
They're both so unlikeable. 

I completely understand why you may not have ever noticed this similarity. I only see it when she smiles, which pretty much never happens. Because she’s an insufferable witch. Perhaps she needs a little (more?) Who-pudding, a little more spontaneous singing, and/or a little more circle time in her life so that her Grinch-sized heart can do a little growing itself.

But I’m not holding my breath.

Orange County’s Lydia McLaughlin as the sea creatures from The Little Mermaid

It’s the eyes, guys. It’s all in the eyes. Lydia has very large eyes. (Thank you, Captain Obvious.) But I’m not being critical. Seriously. In fact, she’s done quite well for herself considering she’s the daughter of a woman who is not only a serious pothead, but who also fancies herself a fairy. I mean, Lydia’s mom may be a very well-to-do pothead/fairy, but she’s a pothead/fairy none the less.

I’m starting to think, though, that maybe this comparison is a little mean; completely true, but mean. And she does seem like a nice lady. Maybe we can find a more complimentary comparison.

Is this better?

C’mon! Sebastian is adorable!

Okay, how about this? A Disney princess matched with a girl whose mom sprinkles fairy dust on strangers. Perfect.

By the way, this post is already longer than Lydia’s entire time on Orange County.

But since we’re on the topic of princesses –

New York’s Dorinda Medley as Princess Diana

The laundry-loving lady (L) and Lady Diana (R)

Unlike Dorinda, I would assume that Diana (RIP) never got naked wasted in public, nor would she have settled for a vertically – slash – horizontally challenged, red-faced, dry cleaner boyfriend who treated her like crap. At least not one without a title. But other than those small differences, these two are essentially the same person. (No disrespect to either.) I mean, their names even start with the same letter. Coincidence? Doubtful. Sure, Dorinda is a little less refined than the princess, but that’s what makes her so darn fun. And slightly unbalanced.

But, remember, no disrespect.

And for our finale, we move from princesses to kings. Of the jungle.

New Jersey’s Dina Manzo as the King of the Jungle

I think this one is pretty self-explanatory

Her personality may be more reminiscent of a hyena, with her constant screeching and (verbally) attacking the weaker Housewives, but her maxillofacial area definitely reads lion. Besides, if this post were about personality doppelgängers the comparisons would be entirely different. And less interesting. Who cares about personalities anyway? It’s what’s on the outside that matters. (I learned that from watching reality TV.)

And thus ends our smorgasbord of similarities. Are you all feeling all warm and fuzzy – and unified – now? Good, now go pay it forward.