Do It Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

Here’s some disgusting, yet fascinating, news: Apparently in some countries, Man’s relationship with his Best Friend can legally evolve into a “friends with benefits” situation. You get my drift?

On the off chance that I’m being too subtle, I’ll spell it out for you. It seems that bestiality—or zoophilia, as it’s also called—is legal in a surprisingly large number of countries.

I heard this little gem yesterday on the news and simply had to look into it. (I know, it’s hard to imagine that any news agency is covering anything but the royal baby, which is only slightly less nauseating than this story, but there are a few.) The story I saw referred specifically to Germany, which is currently trying to pass a law that would make zoophilia illegal, but after a bit of online research (hope I don’t have to have my computer serviced anytime soon; I might get a reputation) came to learn that it’s not specific to Germany. In quite a few countries, including Mexico, Finland, Thailand and Hungary, it’s totally legal to take your relationship with Spot or Bessie to the next level—as long as there’s no harm to the animal. (Sounds pretty harmful to me, but I’m old fashioned.)

Germany is in the spotlight, though, because as I mentioned, they’re looking to outlaw such behavior. Apparently it’s become quite an issue there, as animal brothels become more and more prevalent (never in my life did I think I’d write the term, “animal brothels”), the acts performed inside these brothels become more and more acceptable, and people start referring to zoophilia as a “lifestyle choice.” I thought lifestyle choices consisted of which socks to wear and what kind of cereal to eat, but what do I know?

However, lest you think these people are total heathens, please remember that it IS illegal in most countries, even countries where the act is legal, to possess or distribute zoophilia pornography. (I have no idea what would qualify as pet porn and hope I never have reason to find out.) I mean, really, this group does have standards. They’re not total animals. They just really, really, really love their pets.