Spoiling the Applesauce

If you had the misfortune of watching Bad Teacher, you might remember that Cameron Diaz played a terribly unlikable teacher; a teacher who had no interest in teaching, a teacher who hated kids, and a teacher who was only working so that she could afford breast implants. Comedy gold, right? Not quite.

Sidebar: Am I the only one who thought Cameron Diaz was absolutely terrible for this role? When the character is written to be so incredibly unlikable, the actress playing her has to have at least some redeeming qualities—of which, Ms. Diaz has zero—otherwise you end up with a completely unwatchable film. I won’t blame her entirely for it being such a bad flick, but I do think she holds a fair amount of responsibility. 

Cameron Diaz: Bad Teacher. Bad Apple. Bad Actress.

The reason I bring up this atrocious film—and I apologize if it’s regurgitating any long-suppressed Bad Teacher memories—is because if Cameron’s character had only taught in Buffalo, NY, she wouldn’t have had to pay for her implants; the school district would have. With the taxpayers’ money.

Sound crazy? Sure it does. But it’s true. In 2011, the Buffalo City School District—a district that has a deficit of nearly $50 million, a district that is facing the reality of laying off teachers—spent an estimated 2.7 MILLION DOLLARS on plastic surgery for its teachers. We’re talking nose jobs, liposuction, Botox and breast implants for free. Not even a deductible. And let’s don’t forget that this is a district that pays its teachers, on average, about $50,000 per year. I certainly don’t make anywhere near that kind of money AND I have to pay for my own plastic surgery. Life is so unfair.  

The sickest part? 2011 was a relatively conservative year, spending wise. In 2009, these same educators spent $9 MILLION on elective surgeries. But, then, we’ve all had to make sacrifices recently, tighten our purse strings, what with the bad economy. Of course, lest anyone mistakenly think that this group suddenly metamorphosed into a bunch of commonsensical altruists, it’s only fair to note that, although they may not have been spending taxpayers’ money on synthetic injectables, they were still throwing down (someone else’s) cash like Jack Black at an all-you-can-eat buffet.  For example, the district spent close to $200,000 on 4-star hotels, airfares, and limousines for its employees. Seriously, is it too late for me to get a job transfer?

These ladies and gents sure aren’t doing much to support the “teachers are underpaid and unappreciated” argument. In fact, you know what they say about one bad apple spoiling the applesauce? Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t be buying any applesauce, apple pie, or apple fritters in Buffalo, New York anytime soon.