13 Going On 60

Stop the presses. The Millionaire Matchmaker’s Patti Stanger isn’t engaged. The ring she’s wearing on her ring finger; the ring that’s gotten so much buzz; the ring her boyfriend, David Krause, got her? Sorry, folks, but it’s only a promise ring.

 The matchmaker and her weasel. No, seriously. Doesn't he look like a weasel?  

It’s not so strange, really. My friend’s boyfriend once gave her a promise ring.

Of course, we were 16.

Promise rings are fine…for the young. But once you reach, I don’t know, 45, it’s time for an actual engagement ring. This guy’s not financially challenged. He could fork over the bucks for a real ring, but instead he chooses to “promise” that one day he might, maybe buy her an “I want to marry you” diamond.What is he waiting for? A woman reaches a certain age and time is no longer on her side. You don't promise to marry her. You MARRY her.

We’ve all heard the stories of men who propose solely to shut their girlfriends up without ever actually intending to marry them. But this guy didn’t even do that. He wasn’t even willing to make that commitment.

This is a woman who gives workshops on how to get a man to marry you, as if she’s an expert or something. And she charges money for admittance to these workshops. And people actually pay money to go to them. Yet, she can’t seem to do the very things she claims to teach. What’s wrong with this picture?

If this dude is giving his woman a promise ring, this indicates to me that he has the mindset of a 14-year-old. Not so unusual in the male species. However, how good are most 14-year-olds at keeping promises? Not so good, Patti Dearest. 

I see this ring as a promise to string ole’ P-Dog along for another 10 years or so. Just about the time her face starts to lose its synthetic plumpness and she becomes just one more has-been, Droopy lookalike, that’s about the time that this promise will shatter into a million pieces – just like poor Patti’s heart.

That’s my prediction at least.

But what do I know? I don’t even have my own reality show.

Yet.