Someone Get This Girl a Muzzle. For Her Fingers.

I don’t usually feel the need to discuss LeAnn Rimes, mostly because she spends so much time discussing herself, but some of her recent tweets have motivated me to take action. Her Twitter addiction is truly unparalleled. I mean, does anyone even remember why she’s famous? What was her job before she started stealing husbands and word vomiting all over the internet?

And, speaking of word vomiting on Twitter, some of LeAnn’s recent        finger-talking is doozylicious. You may remember that before she became Mrs. Cibrian—a position that she reminds the world of on a near bi-second basis—she was married to a dancer named Dean Sheremet. On second thought, you may not know about Dean because Twitter had yet to be invented at that point. 

 LeAnn and her first husband, Dean, pre-Twitter 

Dean and LeAnn were married for seven years—until, that is, Ms. Rimes crossed paths and tongues with the also-married Eddie Cibrian, but I digress. The point is, Mr. Sheremet’s grandmother recently died. And when LeAnn found out about it, she gave him a heart-felt phone call and sent him a condolence card. Oh, wait. No she didn’t. She posted her condolences to his Twitter account. How classy. She was married to this guy for seven years, presumably got to know (and perhaps like) his family, and then did him wrong with her horny costar. And she couldn’t even pick up the phone? Send him a carnation or cookie bouquet? 

Of course, if she’d reached out privately, she would've missed a prime opportunity to show the world how “caring” she is. And let's be honest, when you’re trying to downplay your home-wrecking image, it’s very important that people know that you’re really a good person; that you're just misunderstood. We get it, LeAnn, you’re a saint.

Yeah, right. If you’ll buy that, I have some magic beans I’d love to show you.

I will say, though, that I recently realized why LeAnn’s so desperate for people to know that she’s Mrs. Cibrian, Eddie Cibrian’s wife, LeAnn Cibrian, Mrs. Eddie Cibrian, etc. Turns out that while old Edster was still married to his first wife, Brandi Glanville, and cheating on her with his current wife, LeAnn, he also had at least one other girlfriend. (Obviously he’s really good at monogamy.) Perhaps LeAnn thinks that if she’s with him, posting pictures of him, talking about him, and taking vacations with him, ALL THE TIME, he’ll never have a chance to stray. That’s a great plan, LeAnn, but who’s watching him when you go to the bathroom? 

 Eddie with his first ex-wife, Brandi (L) and second ex-wife, er, I mean, WIFE, LeAnn (R) 

All joking aside, she’s right to be on high alert. After all, you know what James Goldsmith said: “When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity.” And considering that these two have been married for over a year now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Eddie has already started taking applications for that new position.