A Royal Coo-up

My oh my oh my.

Life is getting tough for the Kate Middleton, the Deficient Duchess.

If there is one thing good ol' Waity is good at it's shopping and wearing clothes.  I mean, people, she literally exists to waste away so she can wear clothes better than they look on coat hangers.

Until this week that is.  In a surprising fashion coup, Prince George, Cementer of Marriages, has snatched the title of Best Dressed Royal from his mother, Lady Worhtless, Royal Brusher of the Tresses.

But really, could you deny this face?  More importantly, could you deny this face his inheritance?

Mummy!  Your skirt has blown up round your ears again!

I wonder what Waity's strategy for reclaiming the title of Best Dressed Royal will be?  The way I see it, we're either in for a year of tasteful dresses with weighted hems (I'm talking hems stuffed with rocks) or a year full of this:

Bum-tastic!

Me?  I'm torn.  On one hand, I don't think I can take another "Skirt-gate" media frenzy.  On the other hand, I'd love dear old Queen Lizzie to lay the royal smack down.

Fashion, turn to the left. Fashion, turn to the right.

Oh, Shine... it's adorable that you think you are an authority on anything.   Especially fashion.  And after this article, on logic... or the space time continuum.

The central question posed is:  Has J. Crew become too fashionable?  I submit to you two of the pictures from the article.

Then....

Now.....

The clothes from the Then picture was HIGH FASHION but it was FROM THE 90s.  They don't call it the Flannel Decade for nothing.  Also, that's 23 years ago.  I know this is groundbreaking news but STYLES CHANGE!!!! 

In short, no.  Not at all.  If there is one thing I know to be true, it's that you can never be too thin, too rich, too young, or too fashionable.  If you want J. Crew to keep doing that look, perhaps you should shop at Sears.

And there you have it, your daily snark.

Fashion Fail of the Week

It’s true that a disproportionate amount of our Fashion Fails have included Kim Kardashian. And you may think that we’re being unfair.

We’re not.

I give you Exhibit A:

Apparently Kim and Kanye are the new Osmonds. She’s a little bit country. He’s a little bit rock n’roll. 

Granted, Kim Kardashian has never been accused of making good choices – fashion or otherwise – but this stretchy denim, bejeweled number is pretty high up there on the bad choice o’meter. And let’s be clear: This has nothing to do with her being pregnant. She’d look just as terrible even if she wasn’t hosting a little Kimye in her belly. Pregnant or not, she’s a mess.

And, just when you thought it couldn’t get worse…

Lucky for me, it looks like back fat is in this season.

It’s really too bad they don’t make clothes in her size.

One Tiny Silver Lining to Last Night's Oscars

Overlooking the fact that Seth MacFarlane hosted a bomb of an Oscars that offended everyone but insensitive rich white men, the thing I've been talking about today is how horrible Anne Hathaway looked.  And the internet seems to agree with me.

I mean, when the fashion police give you a worse fashion grade than perennial worst dressed list-nominee Helena Bonham-Carter, you've got big problems.  I mean this garnered HBC a C+ grade:

She looks like she got caught in a wind tunnel of chiffon.

And Melissa McCarthy, who I think seems like a lovely and down-to-earth person, garnered a D in this (which is a little unfair because aside from the fabric, I think she looks good):

This is, quite literally, the sweatpants of evening wear.

But then Anne Hathaway showed up in a bomb of a dress Gwenyth Paltrow rejected in 1999 when she won for Shakespeare in Love.  She got a generous D+.

Where to start?  It's ill-fitting, matronly from the front, far too revealing from the back, a bad color choice, boring, and poorly constructed.  

Also, as an added bonus, the Interwebs also thinks she's annoying!

Fashion Fail of the Week

I wanted to like her. I really, really did. A girl who’s not afraid to bare her less-than-perfect soul (and, let’s be honest, body) for all the world to see? This is a girl that I want to see succeed. Or, at least I thought I did. Then I saw bits of Lena Dunham’s show, Girls (along with way too many bits of Lena Dunham).

Yuck.

She’s gross. The supporting cast is gross. It’s all just, well, gross. And I’m not just saying that because there’s way too much nakedness (but there is). My major complaint is that the writing and acting is subpar at best, which is probably why Hollywood is falling all over itself to reward this mess of mediocrity. You know how they love to bow at the Altar of the Unexceptional. Plus, shoving accolades up the bum of a less-than-perfect female shows that they really aren’t that superficial and allows them to feel better about themselves. Remember Precious?

In fact, it was at one of these award shows -- where Ms. Dunham received yet another award up the bum -- that the below atrocity happened.  

Clearly she’s just as off-putting when fully clothed.

What was she thinking? It’s like she went out of her way to find the most unflattering dress possible. And, from the expression on her face, I’m pretty sure she knows how ridiculous she looks. Perhaps she picked an oversized dress in an effort to make room for her equally as oversized ego. Didn’t work. Sorry, Lena, you get an F for this huge fashion FAIL.

On a more positive note, at least she looks clean here. I have it on good authority that in real life she looks not only like a stuffed sausage (because, again, she makes poor fashion choices), but like a stuffed sausage in need of a long-overdue shower. 

Hmm, if only there was someone she could give some of her undeserved money to who would in return help her pick out more flattering clothes to wear.

Oh, wait…

Fashion Fail of the Week

In truth, this fashion fail could probably be considered the fashion fail of the month or even the millennium. I’m talking, of course, about Miley Cyrus—she’s a walking fashion fail, after all—and, more specifically, her latest hairdo. Have you seen this?

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Crazy

Just the latest bad choice in a lengthy list of them. In fact, if you’ve ever considered entering your child into show business, I’d say: don’t. And if for some strange reason you need more proof than just my incredible insight, I’d say: look no further than Miley Cyrus. She’s a walking public service announcement for keeping your children safely at home and out of the limelight.

It’s sad, really. She used to be Disney’s darling and now she’s just a cautionary tale with a smoker’s voice.

It’s not too late to turn it around, though, Miley. Do it for yourself. Do it for your surprisingly good-looking fiancé (still don’t know how you made that happen, but good for you). Do it for the children. And, most importantly, do it for your dad, before all your bad life choices completely shatter his achy breaky heart.  

(Where’s a rimshot when you really need one?)

Fashion Fail of the Week

Normally I would feel the need to provide some commentary on the week’s fashion fail, but I think Scarlett Johansson's latest outfit speaks for itself—and it’s saying, “It takes a lot of money to look this bad.” I’ve seen people take clothes from Target, Ross, or even Goodwill and dress them up to make them look much more expensive and fashionable. 

Apparently it can work the other way too.

This girl is a hot mess...minus the hot.

For the record, could someone please explain to me what’s so amazing about this girl? Is it her manly voice? Vacant eyes? Inability to act? What is so attractive?

That’s not a rhetorical question.  

Re-directing Food Aid

Hooray!  K. Midd doesn't have to wear panty hose.  [golf claps]

On the other hand...

This dress- WITH ITS TAILORED SEAMS THAT NIP IN AT HER WAIST- is swimming on you K. Midd.  And those puffy shoulders are doing their part to cover up you shoulder sockets but they can't hide your protruding shoulder blades.  

See, out of respect for this delicate situation, I didn't even call her Waity.

Let's all do our part and redirect a sandwich or seven to the UK.  Please, people.  If this isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is...

Fashion Fail of the Week

Seeing as how there’s no shortage of terrible fashion choices by many of today’s celebrities, it seems appropriate to introduce a new weekly (and by weekly, I mean, whenever we feel like it) feature: celebrity fashion fails.

And seeing as how we’re celebrating the inception of said feature, you lucky birds get two fashion fails this week! Hey, it’s Memorial Day Weekend. I’m feeling generous (and slightly inebriated).

First up…

The Duchess’s even more worthless sister, Pippa Middleton, at a friend’s wedding. 

On the topic of outrageous Middleton propaganda, here’s what the headline above these pictures read: Pippa Middleton shows off her impeccable taste at another big day. What exactly was impeccable about Ms. Middleton’s fashion taste? Perhaps the chopsticks in the hat or the traffic-cone orange of the dress? Or how about the elastic waistband around her middle (a practical choice if you’re planning to overindulge at the buffet table)? Or maybe it was the Lady Godiva chocolate box that she’s turned into a purse. A frugal choice, admittedly. I guess she has to recycle such things, seeing as how her parents are commoners.

What am I missing here? As far as I can tell all she’s got going for her is the media’s unconditional love--for her sister.

And, of course, what fashion fail list is complete without the world’s most inappropriate mom, Pamela Anderson. This woman is FORTY-FOUR and dresses like she’s twenty. The grossest part is that she really could be an attractive woman if she would just class it up a bit and dress a little more age-appropriately. The bleached-beyond-recognition hair and painted-on eyebrows are never good looks, but especially on a FORTY-FOUR year old mother of two. 

The reality is, she probably has an enviable figure, but this dress does nothing to highlight the positives and instead merely accentuates the negatives.

I think these two women illustrate perfectly what I’ve been saying for years: money can’t buy you class…or good taste. What it apparently can buy you, however, is the unadulterated love and admiration of the media.

Hmm, I think we’ve just solved the mystery of Kim Kardashian.