The Girlfriend Needs to Eat a Sandwich Club

Ok, second post.  I know its again about the fairer Middleton (I know- I'm judging myself) but this is an issue.  Or actually it is an Issue.  Maybe even an ISSUE.  I'll let you decide dear readers...

I think Mrs. William Windsor, the Duchess of Cambridge, or Waity Katie as she will ALWAYS be known to me is the founding member of the Girlfriend Needs to Eat a Sandwich Club because, well, girlfriend needs to eat a sandwich.

Listen, Waity, I can only imagine the stress of having the eyes of the world and the world's most prominent judger, Her Majesty the Queen upon you must be beyond nerve wracking.  Actually, I take that back, I have no idea of the pressure and stress.  But I do know that I would attempt to soothe that stress in a helping or four of macaroni and cheese.  But I guess that's why I'm not a princess (yet).  But I urge you, please, eat something, anything.  Look at this picture of Waity with our First Lady of Fashion (albeit this outfit is less that stellar).

I freely admit my bias on this dress.  I hate it.  If I wanted to look like I was wrapping myself in ace bandages, I would just do that.  But look at her legs.  Look at the squareness of her frame.  See how the fullness of the top gives the illusion of breasts.  And her arms.   She looks gaunt.  And thinner that at the wedding.

Waity, level with me... are you stressed about your impending pregnancy?  Because you know what helps with conception?  Calories.  Seriously.  Put the spoon to your lips.  The combination of noodle and cheese is divine.  It slips so easily down the throat.  And if that isn't incentive enough, getting pregnant will help you trump that annoying Pippa in the tabloids.  Seriously, Waity, please, if nothing else stop the Pippa parade.  If it's driving me to distraction, I can only imagine that you want to rip her eyes out.

So there you have it dear readers.  The first installment of the Girlfriend Needs to Eat a Sandwich Club.  And I promise, I do think about other things besides Waity and her family... No, really.  I do!  I promise the next post will be on the hotness that is Ryan Reynolds.

Oh, and Queen Elizabeth, if you are reading this, please consider this post my application to enroll in your School of Judgement.  I believe I have the raw talent and would swoon at the chance to be your apprentice.  Together we could be unstopable.