Foot-In-Mouth Disease

Well, he’s done it again.

Part of me wants to believe that it’s just a character he’s playing; that he’s taken a page out his in-laws’ book about no publicity being bad publicity and that as long as they’re talking about you it doesn’t matter what they’re saying.

Unfortunately, I think it’s more likely that he’s just a narcissistic asspunk.

I am referring, of course, to the King of Klowns himself, Kanye West.

It wasn’t too long ago that we were discussing Kanye’s messiah-like moment at one of his concerts; the one where he commanded a wheelchair-bound fella to rise. It didn’t work, of course, because contrary to what he legitimately seems to think, he’s not God.

Unfortunately, the concert debacle wasn’t his first display of diva-like behavior and, judging from his conduct at the Grammy Awards last Sunday, it also wasn’t his last.

But before we get into the details, let’s first take a trip down memory lane, shall we? The year was 2009. The scene of the crime: the MTV Video Music Awards.

It was here that Kanye had his “Imma let you finish” moment after grabbing the microphone away from Taylor Swift as she was accepting her award for Best Female Video, and proclaiming that Beyoncé had in fact had the best video of all time, ever, in the history of music videos, and had been robbed.

Listen, you know I don’t like Taylor Swift. The fact that she’s winning awards for anything other than “Worst Live Performer” and “Most Juvenile Lyrics Written & Sung by an Adult” gives me heartburn. But even I think his little outburst was uncalled for. That was her moment – an arguably undeserved moment, granted – but her moment just the same. He just came off looking like the fool that he is and Taylor came out smelling even more like roses. This, incidentally, is another reason I hate him. Anyone who forces me to defend Taylor Swift clearly sucks at life.

Anyway, you would think that after all the backlash that Kanye got for disrespecting America’s favorite nightmare dressed like a daydream, he may have learned to tone it down – at least a little. After all, since that fateful night in 2009, he has added two new women to his life: a daughter and a wife - neither of whom, by the way, is Beyoncé. It would stand to reason, then, that his priorities have shifted and that he no longer feels the same creepy loyalty to Her Bootyliciousness or her music. Right?

Wrong.

Apparently reason has no place in any discussion concerning Kanye West.

Sunday night at the Grammys, Kanye proved yet again just how klassless he really is. As Beck, a singer/songwriter/player of instruments (read: real musician) accepted his award for Album of the Year – an award that Beyoncé was also nominated for – Kanye left his seat and made a move for the podium. He stopped midway up the stage stairs, smirked, and went back to his seat, effectively making the whole thing about himself – again – despite the fact that he didn’t verbally interrupt Beck’s acceptance speech.

It was rude, but people seemed to give Kanye a pass, laughing it off as him being ironic after the Taylor Swift disaster. Sure, he stole the spotlight from Beck, but at least he can laugh at himself.

What people apparently forgot is that Kanye West doesn’t have a sense of humor. About anything. Especially himself.

This fact became painfully clear as he continued to word vomit his way through the rest of the evening, saying things like: "I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain't going to play with them no more…Beck needs to respect artistry, and he should have given his award to Beyoncé."

Let’s just examine this statement for a second, shall we?

First, does anyone else find it ironic that he essentially refers to himself as a “real artist” while at the same time effectively dismissing Beck and his abilities? I’m not a huge Beck fan, but I can appreciate that he has musical ability; unfortunately for him, he has no “artistry” – at least according to His Majassty. I guess being able to write and play music is much less important than, say, having shiny costumes and backup dancers.

Even later, when given a chance to reevaluate or amend his original statement, he didn’t. He instead chose to double down on the comment saying, “Beck knows that Beyoncé should have won... Come on man, I love Beck, but he ain't have album of the year."

Does his idiocy truly know no bounds?

And can we please just talk for a minute about this man’s fascination with Beyoncé? If I were his wife (which, praise the Lord, I’m not), I would feel slightly uncomfortable with, and disrespected by, his blind adoration for another woman. Do you think Kanye knows he’s not married to Beyoncé, or do you think in his alternate reality – the one where he’s a supreme musician who can heal the crippled and walk on water – he and the Destiny Child’s singer are in fact living in marital bliss?

Either way, and for so very many reasons, I’m eternally grateful that I’m not married to this man.

If this is what wedded bliss looks like, I think I'll pass.

To be fair, he didn’t spend the entire interview talking about Beyoncé. He also gave himself a few shout outs, calling attention to the fact that he had, by age 36, won more  Grammys than any other 36-year-old, ever, in the history of 36-year-olds.

Ironically, this last little tidbit sort of proved his original point.

If Kanye West can somehow manage to snag himself a Grammy – or 20 – then this proves, almost unequivocally, that Grammy voters truly are totally oblivious to what real talent is and will pretty much give the award to anyone.