He’s Too Sexy for His Shirt (which is why he rarely wears one)

It’s a bittersweet day, ladies (and gents; I’m not judging). Bradley Cooper’s reign as People’s Sexiest Man Alive is over. Can we have a short moment of silence, please? 

Oh, Bradley, how we'll miss you...for a second.

Now for the good news: when People closes a sexiest door, they open a sexier window. Enter this year’s Sexiest Man…

Mr. Sexy

CHANNING TATUM!

Here’s why I like him: He’s pretty funny (some might not think it’s important that he have a personality when he has a body like that. I disagree); I find his movies to be more or less enjoyable; He seems to love his wife (sorry ladies…and gents; I’m not judging); He’s tall; He doesn’t run away from his past; and, most importantly, he’s older than I am (this seems to be happening less and less frequently; apparently I’m very, very old).

And because I know that you’ll feel totally cheated if you don’t also get a shirtless Channing Tatum pic, ta da!

 Yep, it sure is lucky for him that he has such a great personality...  

As for Bradley Cooper (if any of you were able to tear yourself away from a topless Tater and continue reading), although I’m sad to see him go, I think it’s probably for the best. Maybe now that he's no longer obligated to carry out Sexiest Man duties, he'll finally be able to get some sleep. It's pretty obvious that he's terribly overworked and sleep-deprived. I mean, what other reason could there be for his perpetually bloodshot eyes?