Boyfriend of the Week

They say that the true sign of beauty is a symmetrical face. And for “them,” I have two words: Ryan Gosling. He probably has the most asymmetrical face in Hollywood – perhaps the world – and yet is still one of the best-looking.

And if for some reason “they” need more evidence than my expert opinion, I have three more words for them: Crazy. Stupid. Love. Watch that movie and tell me he doesn’t deserve a slot on ATG’s Boyfriend list. (Of course, in all fairness, it’s not really his face that makes the movie so enjoyable.) Sure he has a wonky eye, but the rest of him more than makes up for it.

Symmetry is clearly overrated.

This Canadian-born Boyfriend is a former Mouseketeer and was apparently almost a Backstreet Boy. (What?!) He is also very, very strong. (Remember the Dirty Dancing lift he did with Emma Stone? He can also do it with large, daytime weathermen.)

And it appears that he has a healthy respect for his elders, as he’s famous for dating his cougar-like costars—most famously, Rachel McAdams (not quite old enough to be a cougar), whom he shared the screen with in The Notebook, but also Sandra Bullock and, currently, Eva Mendes. He was also allegedly linked to Kat Dennings, of The House Bunny and 2 Broke Girls fame, but I find this a bit hard to believe. First, she’s not older than he is and second, she’s annoying as heck. Of course, maybe he’s into that. His current girlfriend is fairly annoying.

Unfortunately, Ryan seems to suffer from the Johnny Depp Effect. This is when really good-looking, but also talented, actors go out of their way to hide their beauty—mostly by dressing strangely and acting weird. (If you’re interested and have time, you can read the whole article here.) I suppose it’s so they’ll be taken more seriously as actors or some such nonsense, but I say, embrace it while it lasts, Ryan. I mean, look at old Johnny boy. No one would confuse today’s Deppster with the hunk he used to be. (We age. I get it. And the drugs probably didn’t help either.)

But, although, his heartthrob days may be numbered, I am committed to loving him always – or at least until his face starts wrinkling and his teeth start yellowing. I’ve seen enough of Blue Valentine to know that an aging Ryan Gosling isn’t the most thrilling sight to behold.

So enjoy it while it lasts, ladies, because this Boyfriend’s SuperHunk days may be numbered. Fortunately for him, you don’t have to be attractive to be a good actor.

Just ask Phillip Seymour Hoffman.  

And the Truth Shall Set You Free

I’m sorry to tell you this, my friends, but you’ve been lied to; and it’s a lie that I can no longer perpetuate. I sincerely apologize if this news shatters your world, like finding out the true identity of Santa Claus or Charlie Sheen, but the truth is the truth. And the truth must be told.

What is that truth, you ask. Well, mis amigos, the truth I refer to is this: the real, super-secret identity of one of the world’s most celebrated superheroes, Superman. I may be arrested for revealing his name – after all, many people have spent many dollars perpetuating the lie of Clark Kent – but the truth is, Superman is really…

Wait for it…

RYAN GOSLING!



Here he comes to save the day! SuperHunk is on his way!

Surprised? It’s true. And here’s the proof. (Notice how he puts his own life in jeopardy, and risks revealing his true identity, to save these poor, helpless, angry, thieving New Yorkers.)

Admittedly, it’s an old-ish video, one that got its fair share of publicity. What didn’t get publicity, however, is who Ryan’s alter ego is (that privileged information is available solely to you faithful ATG readers). Sure, he looks unassuming enough in his convict-inspired tank top and capri sweatpants, but underneath it all is a man of steel. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense – especially if you’ve seen Crazy, Stupid, Love. This man clearly needs no factory-produced, muscle-sculpted breast plate. No faux pectorals need apply on this body, if you know what I mean.

So, next time you’re in trouble, don’t bother with your pepper spray or cell phone. There’s no need to call 911, your mom, or even Ghostbusters. Nope, just send up a little shout-out to SuperHunk Ryan Gosling and wait for the saving to commence.

And, remember folks, you heard it here first.