I’m sorry to tell you this, my friends, but you’ve been lied to; and it’s a lie that I can no longer perpetuate. I sincerely apologize if this news shatters your world, like finding out the true identity of Santa Claus or Charlie Sheen, but the truth is the truth. And the truth must be told.
What is that truth, you ask. Well, mis amigos, the truth I refer to is this: the real, super-secret identity of one of the world’s most celebrated superheroes, Superman. I may be arrested for revealing his name – after all, many people have spent many dollars perpetuating the lie of Clark Kent – but the truth is, Superman is really…
Wait for it…
RYAN GOSLING!
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| Here he comes to save the day! SuperHunk is on his way! |
Surprised? It’s true. And here’s the proof. (Notice how he puts his own life in jeopardy, and risks revealing his true identity, to save these poor, helpless, angry, thieving New Yorkers.)
Admittedly, it’s an old-ish video, one that got its fair share of publicity. What didn’t get publicity, however, is who Ryan’s alter ego is (that privileged information is available solely to you faithful ATG readers). Sure, he looks unassuming enough in his convict-inspired tank top and capri sweatpants, but underneath it all is a man of steel. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense – especially if you’ve seen Crazy, Stupid, Love. This man clearly needs no factory-produced, muscle-sculpted breast plate. No faux pectorals need apply on this body, if you know what I mean.
So, next time you’re in trouble, don’t bother with your pepper spray or cell phone. There’s no need to call 911, your mom, or even Ghostbusters. Nope, just send up a little shout-out to SuperHunk Ryan Gosling and wait for the saving to commence.
And, remember folks, you heard it here first.
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