A Judgment-Scented Potpourri

Ashton and Demi in happier times

In case you haven’t heard, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have separated. That’s right; it seems that Ashton has moved out of their love nest amid rumors of infidelity.  Now, I don’t doubt for a second that cheating took place—probably on both sides, although whether it ever involved two girls in a hot tub, I couldn’t say—but the skeptic in me wonders if this is, in large part, a publicity stunt. 

It’s a poorly held secret in Hollywood that celebrity publicists will plant stories in the media, specifically when their clients have work to promote. The clients can then passionately deny said stories, thereby giving them even more media attention. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. (Rumor has it that Jennifer Aniston’s “people” are especially good at this, which I happen to believe, considering she hasn’t had a hit in years and yet still manages to land herself on the cover of innumerable magazines amid wedding and pregnancy rumors.) 

I’m not saying that this is what’s going on with Demi and Ashton, but it is peculiar timing, what with Ashton recently stepping into Charlie Sheen’s easily filled shoes on Two and a Half Men; and let’s face it, Demi has to be itching for some attention considering she hasn’t really been relevant since, well, since she married Ashton and became the world’s most famous cougar. Seems like now would be a good time for both of them to hurl themselves into the spotlight -- and guarantee they’ll stay there a while -- by announcing a marital separation.  

Regis and Kelly in happier times

In case you haven’t heard, Regis Philbin is leaving Live with Regis and Kelly sometime this year, after nearly 28 years with the show. And to that I say, thank goodness. Listen, I understand that he’s 80, that he’s been a television fixture since the 1960s, and that he is quite possibly “the hardest working man in show business,” but despite all this, or perhaps because of it, it’s time to hang up his mic. 

The reality is, he’s 80; and, although he’s a pretty impressive 80-year-old, he’s no longer an impressive talk-show host. He calls people by the wrong name or forgets their names altogether, he stumbles for titles of projects his guests are promoting, he rarely seems to know anything about the person he’s interviewing, and he gets generally confused by, well, just about everything. 

Please don’t get me wrong, he’s had an amazing run and will go down in history as one of the greats. However, even the greats need to retire. Is Bob Barker still hosting Showcase Showdowns? Nope. Is Dick van Dyke still tripping over couches and running into doors? Not that I know of. Is Joe Montana still throwing the old pigskin? I don’t think so. It’s high time we add Regis to that list. After all, mock yelling at the camera can only hide for so long the fact that you have no idea who you are or what you’re talking about. 

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World and Kieran Culkin

In case you haven’t heard, Scarlet Johansson is tied, along with Kate Middleton, for the title of Most Beautiful Woman in the World. After seeing this picture, I finally understand why, and have no doubt that you will also. Wow. Forgive me. I’ve been rendered speechless by her…beauty, so I’ll just leave you to marinate on the magnificence that is Scarlet Johansson. Consider it my parting gift to you.

You’re welcome.