Announcing the ATG Kate Middleton Award for Achievement in Extreme Thinness- Golden Globe Nominees

Well, well, well... Dear Readers, we find ourselves at the beginning of a new year and yet another awards show season.  And beyond all the excitement of dresses, awards, and interviews we get to check in on who has decided that eating is no longer important.  And this year, just for our own amusement, we've decided to play a little game.  It's called the ATG Kate Middleton Award for Achievement in Extreme Thinness. 

You may be asking yourself "What are the rules for the ATG Kate Middleton Award for Achievement in Extreme Thinness?" Well, first, extreme thinness.   Second, extreme thinness.  Third, the weight (or lack thereof) of their merit as fashion icon.  After each award show we will present to you before and after pictures of Starlets who have decided to join the Girlfriend Needs to Eat a Sandwich Club.  All you need to do, Dear Reader, is decide who had the most awesome year in Extreme Thinness.  And if we miss someone?  Feel free to send your submissions for the wildcard category.

We begin with the nominees from last night's Golden Globes.  And they certainly did not disappoint. 

Here Dear Reader, is our first nomination for your consideration... Emma Stone. I know, I know.  Try to look beyond the hideous spangely sequin sperm shirt and garbage bag skirt but be careful or you might miss Miss Stone.

After: 2014 Golden Globes (Beaded tops add 15 pounds)

Before:  Healthy and gorgeous at the 2013 Academy Awards

To be fair, we needed to show her collarbones

Our second nomination of the evening is Julie Bowen from Modern Family.  Listen, Julie is gorgeous.  And I actually love this dress choice.  What I don't love is the skeletor vibe...

After: 2014 Golden Globes

Before: 2013 Golden Globes

And the ever important collarbone shot from earlier this year.

And I'd also like to give Matthew McConaughey an honorable mention.  YES.  I know it's for his part in the Dallas Buyers' Club.  But isn't all female weight loss also for a part?  And I know he's gained weight back, but not enough....

Alright, alright, alright... eat a sandwich

 
Now we implore you, Dear Reader, which starlet's extreme thinness reigned supreme?  And more importantly, did we miss any Waity-Level thinness???

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, I found myself at an enchanted mall, clothes-shopping with a friend. (Isn’t everything in California enchanted, or is that just the medical marijuana talking?) As we moved from rack to rack, I happened to notice a mannequin above me, modeling some trendy, overly priced outfit.

And that’s when I saw them.

Nipples.

On the mannequin.

Maybe someone should turn down the a/c...

Maybe I’m missing something here. Could someone please explain to me why in the world mannequins need nipples? Who decided this was a good idea? I haven’t taken a poll or anything, but don’t most women go out of their way to avoid such a situation? Isn’t that why there’s no end to the amount of covers and petals and padded bras on the market? (Okay, so maybe padded bras serve a dual purpose.) I mean, I have friends who literally use band-aides to prevent this kind of embarrassment. So why on earth would someone decide that women want to see what a shirt looks like with their headlights showing?

It would be kind of funny if it wasn’t so gross.