Vegas, Here They Come!

Remember that confirmed bachelor Johnny Depp? The man who spent 14 years with the same woman and sired two children with her, but just couldn’t marry her? The free spirit who wouldn’t allow himself to be tied down by a government-issued piece of paper? Remember him?  

Well, he’s getting married.

To a lesbian.

Okay, so she’s probably not technically a lesbian if she’s marrying the old Deppster, but she was dating a woman when she and Johnny cheated on their respective partners met on the set of their film The Rum Diary. Of course, if you’ve seen Don Juan DeMarco or even Pirates of the Caribbean, it’s not so hard to see how a woman who’s into chicks could also be into this guy. With enough eye makeup, he’s kind of beautiful. (The same could probably be said for most of us).

Johnny and his daughter - sorry, fiancée - Amber

The woman slated to be the next Mrs. Johnny Depp, a title that I always thought I would hold (until he got old and gross), is actress Amber Heard.  Like I mentioned, they met on The Rum Diary set and, seeing as how they’re soul mates, have been inseparable ever since. (I may’ve made this last bit up.)

But before you use Edward's scissorhands to slit your throat in despair, you should know that it’s quite possible that these two won’t actually make it down the aisle. Johnny has a reputation (several, actually) for being a bit of a romantic. He’s known in some circles as being the “proposing kind” but not the “marrying kind.” Through the years he’s proposed to approximately 7,492 women - and even inspired a bumper sticker that read, “Honk if you’ve never been engaged to Johnny Depp” - but only married one of them. Maybe, though, Amber’s the one; the one he’s been waiting for this whole time. Maybe she’s lucky #2. Maybe she’s his golden ticket to marital bliss.

And speaking of golden tickets, Amber’s really scored on this one (and not just in the Biblical sense). Before her torrid heterosexual affair with one of Hollywood’s most leadingest men, there weren't that many people who knew – or cared – who she was. Now she’s the talk of the town. Or, at the very least, the topic of an ATG blog, which is a pretty big deal considering she’s not British, titled, or named Middleton.

If nothing else, this has been a great career move on her part, not that I’m saying that was her motivation. Maybe she really loves him. Maybe she can’t get enough of his unbathed, stale-smoke scent. Maybe she finds his quirks endearing as opposed to just really weird. Maybe they’re destined for a long and happy marriage.

And maybe my dear Johnny will finally win an Oscar this year.