Ask and You Shall Receive

It’s official!

Well, I think it’s official.

At least, according to the internet it’s official and since they can’t put anything on the internet that isn’t true, I think we can safely say that our Sweet Ginger Prince is officially back on the market! Yes, my dear friends, Handsome Harry is back to a life of late-night Baywatch marathons, scratching inappropriately, and leaving the seat up. (Isn’t that what all single guys do?)

“A source close to the couple” told CNN that, after two years together, Harry and his lady love, Cressida Bonas, decided to split – though amicably. Apparently they still remain “best of friends.” Gag.

The split is being blamed, at least partially, on the intense media attention that comes with being linked to one of the world’s most eligible bachelors, but I feel like this intense media attention is getting a bad rap. It’s not exactly like Cressida didn’t know what she was signing up for. She’s friends with Princess Eugenie for crying out loud! She runs in royal circles. Royal life – and all that comes with it – isn’t exactly an unknown beast to her. But why am I looking a gift horse in the mouth? Harry’s single again. I’m pretty sure that’s all that matters at this point.

Splitsville: Party of two

As a side note, Cressida has apparently been granted “compassionate leave” from her job. Is this a real thing? Do we do it in America? Do you have to have broken up with a royal to qualify? It sounds kind of fantastic. I’m pretty sure that, given my terribly difficult life, my many, many heartbreaks, and my ability to overdramatize everything, I could get a lot of use out of this type of leave.

Apparently Kate also enjoyed compassionate leave when she and Wills split in 2007. Since the world revolves around Kate, that makes total sense, but I’m now starting to wonder if perhaps this “compassionate leave” is a real thing and not just something that was entirely made up for the delicate Duchess.

Harry, on the other hand, apparently didn’t feel the need for compassion and chose instead to spend this past weekend abroad with his brother, drowning his sorrows in sunshine and barbeque.

Yes, the Boys Windsor spent the weekend in the States – Memphis, to be exact – where they were celebrating the wedding of good friend, Guy Pelly. Single and in my country of origin? Is it my birthday and someone forgot to tell me? 

Going to the chapel. Kind of.

William and Harry stayed fairly low-key while in the Volunteer State, but the princes did find time to, wait for it, pay homage to the King (where’s my rimshot?) by making a stop at Graceland. I can’t even imagine what I would have done if I’d been at Graceland, minding my own business and marinating on all the delicious bedazzled Elvis goodness, only to see Prince 1 and Prince 2 come shuffling on by. Actually, strike that. I know exactly what I would have done…and then I would have hoped that I had a change of clothes in the car.

The photo to come out of the Graceland visit is a bit odd. It feels a little like a shot of Bigfoot in the wild; like a mythical creature hiding in the brush, caught for only a brief second as he ventured out of his safe habitat for food – fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, to be exact.

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's a...prince?

And since we’re on the topic of royal photographs...

You may have heard that Kate recently returned from a trip to Australia/New Zealand with her husband and baby. ATG didn’t cover this “work” engagement because, well, you know, every other media agency in the world “reported” on it ad nauseam. BUT, apparently, the Deficient Duchess has officially selected her favorite photograph from the trip.

And the award goes to…

Just one more man wetting himself over Kate Middleton.

Literally.