Anything Worth Having

So, Brad Pitt was spotted wearing a wedding ring. This is, allegedly, because he finally decided to make an honest woman out of his philanderer in crime, Angelina Jolie. I don’t know. Is this news? I mean, it must be because I’m writing about it, but really? They’ve been together since 2005 – and engaged since 2012. They have six kids. They’re practically the same person. With the possible exception of the eyes of the law – and God – weren’t they basically seen as already married? I mean, aside from that whole “living in sin” thing, they were pretty much the picture of wedded bliss.

But, apparently they wanted more, so last Saturday, at their estate in the south of France, the duo made it official. 1/3 of their children (Zahara and Vivienne) acted as flower girls; 1/3 of their children (Shiloh and Knox) acted as ring bearers; and 1/3 of their children (Maddox and Pax) walked their mom down the aisle. It was a family “affair” to be sure. (Get it? Because the whole event was the direct result of a torrid love affair.) 

The wedding party

Anyway, congrats to the newly legal Jolie-Pitts. I, for one, appreciate that they didn’t rush into anything (besides baby making). They took their time. Test drove the merchandise. Decided if three failed marriages between them was enough or if they wanted to go for lucky number four. Decided if “Mr.” and “Mrs.” were titles they felt comfortable wearing again – or if they preferred to stick with the time-honored “adulterer” and “mistress.” These are all things that take some serious marination.

I also appreciate that they didn’t turn the event into a media circus (unlike others who shall not be named). These are two of the most famous people in the world and, yet, their nuptials were a complete surprise (unlike others who shall not be named). You know what this says to me? Brad and Angelina are A-listers who are actually famous. For doing stuff. They’re not infamous C-listers who are famous simply for being famous (and sex tapes) and, therefore, don’t appear sad and desperate. They look way classy by comparison. And the fact that nearly everyone looks classy next to Kimpee and her word-vomiting husband, shouldn’t detract from this victory at all.

So, once again, we at ATG would like to wish Brangelina and crew many congratulations. I truly hope that they’re taking some time to just enjoy the moment, as I'm sure it won't be long before those divorce rumors start circulating.

In fact, I give it about a week.

Weep Not for the Memories

Here’s some information you can file under Random and, perhaps, Why Should I Care?. Apparently, around the time Jason Priestley was moving to Beverly Hills and Brad Pitt was seducing Geena Davis, the two heartthrobs were also hanging out together. 

  Pitt is on the far left and Priestley is the mullet-loving dude (I know, that doesn't narrow it down) at second from right.  

Who knew?

Of course, I’m most impressed with Jason’s choice of living room furniture. As a struggling actor, obviously you have to prioritize, and who has money to waste on chairs you won’t stick to when there’s beer and Doritos to be bought? But the two look comfy enough, as do the rest of their squad, as they cozied up to watch the 1990 Super Bowl.

So what’s the take-away here? Football brings people together—even pre-famous pretty boys who’ve made questionable hair choices.

The Auction’s Over. The Cow’s Been Bought.

He must’ve liked it because he finally put a ring on it.

That’s right, friends, after seven(ish) years and six kids together, Brad and Angelina are finally getting married (you can decide for yourself which one’s the cow) and I, for one, couldn’t be happier. I’ve lost so much sleep agonizing over “will they or won’t they?”. 

Going to the chapel

But, we can all breathe a sigh of relief now because it appears that they will. At the very least, a down payment has been made in the form of a diamond ring. Have you seen this thing? It’s been reported that Mr. Brad Pitt designed it himself. To this I say, stick to acting, Brad. Seriously, am I the only one who finds it slightly disappointing (read: ugly)? Sure, it’s huge and probably cost as much as a small country or Lindsay Lohan’s court fees, but I think it’s just plain unattractive. 

The offending ring

To me, it’s reminiscent of 80s home décor. It reminds me of those rooms you see on home makeover shows—the ones that have been decorated with mirrored walls and gold flecks in their popcorn ceilings—you know, the BEFORE picture. But, as Countess LuAnn says, money can’t buy you class; and it also can’t buy you taste. Don’t worry, though, Brad, you’re in good company. Have you seen Kate Middleton’s engagement ring? Yikes.

It does raise the question, though, what’s the appropriate protocol if your significant other presents you with a hideous engagement ring? What do you do? Do you have to pretend to love it, especially if he/she designed it specifically for you, or can you be honest?

Actually, do you think it’s even possible to view an engagement ring from your love with an unbiased eye; or is it like kids, you love your own even if no one else does?

Considering she’s got a hideous ring and a million kids, I just hope for Angie’s sake that her eye is as biased as they come.