They Laugh Alike. They Walk Alike. At Times They Even Talk Alike.

Caution: You could lose your mind.

For all of you that don’t know –and since we don’t live in England or Mexico, that’s probably a lot of you – the U.S. Women’s National Team was in the World Cup Finals (that means soccer) back in July. They went head-to-head with the androgynous women of Japan in a hard-fought battle, but, spoiler alert, the U.S. lost to the Japanese (words that you rarely hear) in a shootout. For those of you envisioning a shootout of the O.K. Corral variety, you’re not alone; I, too, was hoping for a fight-to-the-death kind of performance. Turns out, however, that the only revolvers in a soccer shootout are the revolving players, as they each take a turn attempting to kick the ball into the goal. One-on-one. Just the kicker and the goalie.

 

As we gathered around the super-sized television, biting our nails and futilely praying for victory, it occurred to me that the woman playing goalie for the United States was none other than The Exorcism of Emily Rose and Dexter star Jennifer Carpenter!

Jennifer Carpenter: star of film, screen, and goal box?

True, the former Mrs. Michael C. Hall looked to have gained about 30 pounds of muscle, but it was her. I would’ve bet money on it. Imagine my surprise, then, to realize that the goalie was NOT in fact J. Carpenter, but was actually a totally different person, from a totally different family. No twin. No clone. No government-constructed, look-alike robot. Nope. Just a soccer-playing gal from Richland, Washington, trying to make it in the tough world of competitive sports.

Her name: Hope Solo. Her game: soccer superstar and goalie extraordinaire – at least I’ve heard she’s a spectacular goalie. I guess I’ll just have to take everyone’s word for it, seeing as how the one time I saw her play, she lost. And, considering the fact that she could easily kick my butt, that’s all I’ll say about that.

Hope Solo's ready to exorcise her dancing demons

 

Not content, though, to forevermore be known as the American who lost the World Cup, my girl Hope is trying her hand at Dancing with the Stars – because, obviously, (alleged) success on the soccer field translates perfectly into (potential) success on the dance floor

But, back to the topic at hand...

Perhaps in split-screen, Jennifer and Hope don’t look exactly, exactly alike, but I still hold to the fact that they are quite possibly the same person. And to all the naysayers out there, I leave you with one last question: Have you ever actually seen the actress and the athlete in the same place at the same time?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.