Mustique’s Mystique

If you read ATG with any regularity (and if you don’t, why not?!) you know how much we hate to say anything negative about the world’s most beloved (and overrated) woman, Waity Katie.

Okay, so maybe we don’t hate it that much.

But honestly, it’s her own fault. She makes it nearly impossible to find anything nice to say. She’s lazy and entitled, and makes Octomom look hard-working. (And anyone who inspires me to say nice things about Octomom clearly sucks at life.)

Recently, though, I’d been spared from any uncharitable Waity thoughts, as it seemed there'd been a lull in the Kate mania—or Katenia, as I like to call it. I have to admit, I was very much appreciating the quiet (and my more pleasant disposition). Then I discovered the reason behind the press blackout and all my pleasantness came to a complete and abrupt halt, much like Lindsay Lohan’s career.

The Workless Wonder is gone.

Out of the country.

In Mustique.

On vacation. VACATION!

Vacation from what, exactly? Shopping? Hair appointments? Exercising? Not eating? Sleeping late? Her insanely pampered life?

Probably none of the above, as I’m sure she’s partaking in all these same activities in Mustique.

Poor dear, having to take her work with her on holiday.

Well, of course she needs a vacation. Carrying your own umbrella is very hard work.

(As an aside, I must extend my condolences to the rest of the island’s guests. Remember what happened last time the Worthless Twosome and the Meddling Middletons traveled to Mustique? They commandeered the entire island.)

And isn’t it funny how this doesn’t make the front page? Her new haircut: front page. Her latest wardrobe choice: front page. The fact that she can’t be bothered to do even one day’s work: nothing. Ah, how I love that unbiased, completely objective, media. News flash, press people, she’s not Diana. She may have the ring and the height and the wistful, blank stare, but she’s not Diana. And no matter how much you try to make her Diana, it won’t work because, to recap, she’s NOT DIANA.

There are plenty of criticisms you can make of the late princess, but work-shy is not one of them. Her daughter-in-law on the other hand hasn’t “worked” since, what, this summer when she was an Olympic “ambassador”? And to be clear, she only showed up for the Summer Olympics, not for the Paralympics, which were also held in London. So, although Dolittle required prime seats at many Olympic events, the Paralympics apparently weren’t glamorous enough to deserve much of the Great One’s precious time.

No, it seems that she had a much more pressing engagement: vacay. In France. Remember those French vacation photos? Where we got an up close and personal view of the Duchess’s true cup size? Bet she wishes now that she’d stayed in London and watched a Para event or two.  

Here they are again...hard at work.

But getting back to my original point, what is this a vacation from? In case you’re wondering  how many charity appearances -- or what the royals call “work” -- she’s made this year, let me fill you in: Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Not one.

But can you blame her? After all, gestating a baby is really, really hard work. And, not only is Kate a very delicate flower, but she’s also apparently the only woman who’s ever been pregnant.

Obviously it’s very important that she relax while she can, as she’ll soon be really, really busy—ordering around the plethora of nannies, wet nurses, and child wranglers sure to be permanent installations at the castle. Why, anyone can see what a tough road lies ahead for the poor dear.

Poor, poor Kate.

We should all go light a candle for her.