Mustique’s Mystique

If you read ATG with any regularity (and if you don’t, why not?!) you know how much we hate to say anything negative about the world’s most beloved (and overrated) woman, Waity Katie.

Okay, so maybe we don’t hate it that much.

But honestly, it’s her own fault. She makes it nearly impossible to find anything nice to say. She’s lazy and entitled, and makes Octomom look hard-working. (And anyone who inspires me to say nice things about Octomom clearly sucks at life.)

Recently, though, I’d been spared from any uncharitable Waity thoughts, as it seemed there'd been a lull in the Kate mania—or Katenia, as I like to call it. I have to admit, I was very much appreciating the quiet (and my more pleasant disposition). Then I discovered the reason behind the press blackout and all my pleasantness came to a complete and abrupt halt, much like Lindsay Lohan’s career.

The Workless Wonder is gone.

Out of the country.

In Mustique.

On vacation. VACATION!

Vacation from what, exactly? Shopping? Hair appointments? Exercising? Not eating? Sleeping late? Her insanely pampered life?

Probably none of the above, as I’m sure she’s partaking in all these same activities in Mustique.

Poor dear, having to take her work with her on holiday.

Well, of course she needs a vacation. Carrying your own umbrella is very hard work.

(As an aside, I must extend my condolences to the rest of the island’s guests. Remember what happened last time the Worthless Twosome and the Meddling Middletons traveled to Mustique? They commandeered the entire island.)

And isn’t it funny how this doesn’t make the front page? Her new haircut: front page. Her latest wardrobe choice: front page. The fact that she can’t be bothered to do even one day’s work: nothing. Ah, how I love that unbiased, completely objective, media. News flash, press people, she’s not Diana. She may have the ring and the height and the wistful, blank stare, but she’s not Diana. And no matter how much you try to make her Diana, it won’t work because, to recap, she’s NOT DIANA.

There are plenty of criticisms you can make of the late princess, but work-shy is not one of them. Her daughter-in-law on the other hand hasn’t “worked” since, what, this summer when she was an Olympic “ambassador”? And to be clear, she only showed up for the Summer Olympics, not for the Paralympics, which were also held in London. So, although Dolittle required prime seats at many Olympic events, the Paralympics apparently weren’t glamorous enough to deserve much of the Great One’s precious time.

No, it seems that she had a much more pressing engagement: vacay. In France. Remember those French vacation photos? Where we got an up close and personal view of the Duchess’s true cup size? Bet she wishes now that she’d stayed in London and watched a Para event or two.  

Here they are again...hard at work.

But getting back to my original point, what is this a vacation from? In case you’re wondering  how many charity appearances -- or what the royals call “work” -- she’s made this year, let me fill you in: Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Not one.

But can you blame her? After all, gestating a baby is really, really hard work. And, not only is Kate a very delicate flower, but she’s also apparently the only woman who’s ever been pregnant.

Obviously it’s very important that she relax while she can, as she’ll soon be really, really busy—ordering around the plethora of nannies, wet nurses, and child wranglers sure to be permanent installations at the castle. Why, anyone can see what a tough road lies ahead for the poor dear.

Poor, poor Kate.

We should all go light a candle for her.

A Judgment-Scented Potpourri

Here we go again with the bullying claims. But this time the big bully isn’t a phone prank, it’s—are you ready for this?—Christmas carols. No, seriously. Christmas carols.

A group of parents in Montana recently wrote a letter to the Missoula County Public Schools superintendent saying that a Christmas program featuring traditional Christmas songs, songs that reference Jesus, is offensive, unconstitutional and perpetuates bullying.

Their argument is that, in an area that’s—according to the letter—home to a fair number of non-Christians, school performances should be entirely secular, with no reference to Jesus or his people; and, should the district dare to disagree with them, the parents have threatened legal action.

Nice to see they haven’t lost their Christmas spirit.

I’m sure we all have our own opinions about whether Christmas carols in a public school are unconstitutional or offensive, but what I can’t imagine we’d disagree on is the bullying claim. This is simply NOT bullying and to label it as such, again, lessens the power of true bullying claims.

Fortunately, the parents don’t want Christmas canceled entirely, so fingers crossed that Santa brings them a dictionary. Or a clue.

Ironically, these same parents have no problem with the children singing songs like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, a song that has also come under fire for promoting bullying. Why, you ask? Well, isn’t it obvious? Because the other reindeer laughed at Rudolph and called him names, of course.

Obviously some people just want to be offended.

__________________________________

Sure, she had to cancel the very few charitable appearances—or “work,” as she calls it—she’d had scheduled over the last few weeks because she was so, so, so sick with morning sickness (a morning sickness that was apparently contagious because her husband also missed an engagement or two), but, fear not, because it appears that Lazy Katie has made a miraculous recovery. And just in time to go party it up with the in-laws at Buckingham Palace.

Glad to see she has her priorities in order.

Actually, it’s probably a good thing that she was able to fit the royals in before Christmas, as it’s now being reported that she and her husband will not be attending the traditional royal celebration at Sandringham. Why, you ask? Well, because it’s very important that poor, mistreated Waity spend this last Christmas with her family, as next year, having finally spawned an heir, she’ll be required to spend Christmas with the royal family. Understandable, I suppose, except that every Christmas, vacation, birthday, wedding, etc. is the “last.” And yet, she and her family still spend more time together than the Mansons.

So why is Lazy allowed to choose her family over the in-laws, something that no other royal consort has ever been able to do? The answer is: I have no idea. Apparently Prince William Middleton has absolutely no backbone—or interest in being a royal. There are painfully few things asked of the young royals, but Christmas at Sandringham is one of them—especially for senior royals. For some reason, though, this lazy broad and her husband can’t even be bothered to do that.

The Worthless Twosome

When the king-in-waiting shows absolutely no interest in taking on royal duties, spending time with his family, or acting royal in any way (except for benefiting from the perks), then what hope does the monarchy have?

Before Kate conned William into marrying her, it was widely reported that after the wedding her life would change quite drastically, that visits with her family would be much fewer and further between because she’d simply be too busy being a princess. Uh, count that as one more thing that the media got wrong. Her life has changed not one bit in any way that matters. She’s still as lazy as ever, only now she has grander homes and larger jewels.

Could someone please remind me why she’s considered such a great role model?

__________________________________

Lazy Katie may be the Most Beautiful (and worthless) Woman in the world, but for an Iowa dentist (and his wife), his dental assistant came in a close second. And, because of that, she had to be fired.

Melissa Nelson, who had worked for the dentist for 10 years, was fired in 2010 for being too “irresistible” to her boss, Dr. James Knight. And last Friday, the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that it was a lawful termination.

The irresistible assistant

In light of this ruling, a lot has been made of Iowa’s all-male Supreme Court, as if their decision was completely sexist. I take issue with this implication. I agree that this was a stupid and totally unfair termination, but was it unlawful? Apparently not. And if the law’s not there, what was the Court supposed to do? Rewrite the law? It probably wouldn’t be the first time that a Supreme Court has rewritten a law to make something legal, but they’re not really supposed to do that. Their job is to interpret, not create.

That said, this is not a dentist that I would like to patron. A man who has to fire his assistant because he doesn’t think he can control himself around her, is not a man that I want around me while I’m under the influence of sleep-inducing drugs.

Just saying...