Why I Don't Think Anne Hathaway Deserves Her Oscar

So, the Oscars happened.  And the moment everyone knew was coming happened.  Yes, Anne Hathaway won Best Supporting Actress for her portrayal of a malnourished sex worker that gets an unfortunate hair cut.  Yawn.

There are many reasons why I don't think she should have won.  First, Les Mis is the stuff my dreams are made of.  France, revolution, love story, the belief that humans can stand up to the corruption of government.  And it's a musical.  Only the luckiest of people on earth get to act, sing and dance for a living.

And this is why it is so personally offensive to me.  Musical theater is hard.  Really hard.  You have to be able to sing the proper notes, on key, and to the proper rhythm while acting AND dancing.  That's why not everyone can do it.  But I assure you that ALL of these components are vital.  Miss one of those things and the performance is crap.

Or those were the rules I thought applied.  But apparently, if you lose 25 pounds (and constantly remind people of this fact while simultaneously "refusing to speak about it"- including last night from the red carpet), cut your hair and then as a throw-away afterthought  in your acceptance speech mention that women shouldn't have to be sex workers, the world will throw accolades your way.

And if this is the case, shouldn't anyone who loses a large amount of weight and has a haircut and a SAG card get an Oscar?  If that's the case, we better start nominating every female who has ever been on the Biggest Loser.

Bam!  Truth bombs!

Anne Has Killed a Dream In Me

Oh, Anne Hathaway.... it's time for us to break up.  I used to looooooove you. The Devil Wears Prada. You.  Meryl.  Sigh.

Now all I think of when I hear your name is screeching in Les Mis.  Turning your nose up at roles that made you famous.  Over acting.  Under eating.  Ugh.

And then there was this hideous outfit.

Too much shoe, not enough panties.

And the unfortunate upskirt.  And after all of this, there was still love.  And perhaps one question:  Anne, why or why didn’t you wear underwear in that dress?  Of all of the dresses where one could and should wear underwear with it should be the dress that looks like two panels of wallpaper with a garbage bag duct taped on as a cape.

And then was the pitchy… intoned talking… I can’t call it singing.  And the press junket for Les Mis where she began campaigning harder than Kate Winslet for a Titanic Oscar.  Here’s just a smattering of annoying sound bytes:

• I don't talk about how I lost the weight because it's really unhealthy.  And there are some people out there that will try anything to lose weight.
• Then she goes on to discuss how she lost the weight- by eating hummus and radishes.
• "I was a witch. I mean, I was dealing with a lot of darkness and I was starving. So I just wasn’t that much fun to be around.” Hathaway continues, “I realized I was being really unfair to my fiance"
• My mom played Fantine and she is my favorite Fantine.  And I am hers.  
• It felt in some way cheap to do the pretty version (of I Had a Dream). 

Oh, honey, PLENTY of people have sung the pretty version of I Had a Dream and delivered a power house emotional performance.  That is the very challenge of musical theater acting.  What you did was screechy intoning and over acting.

But what really did it was the faux-graceful and faux-humble obviously rehearsed acceptance speech she made at the Golden Globes last night:

My favorite line?   How she thanked the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for giving her “this lovely blunt object that I will forever more use as a weapon against self-doubt”.  VOMIT.

And then she went on to say she’s glad she’s getting awards because it puts her earlier roles forever to bed.  Please… could she be any more ungrateful?  The Princess Diaries launched her.  She should still be thanking that casting director for giving her a shot. Anne, you were in a movie with Julie Andrews.  And it was a cute movie.  And while we are at it, don't dismiss the brilliance of Tina Fey.  You should be so lucky to breathe the air Tina expels from her body.

Oh, and BTW, you have a fierce case of egg head on an emaciated body.  Please.  Eat something.  The Les Mis weight loss on top of the Batman weight loss is just unflattering.

Attack of the life size bobble heads!

Let us hope that the Golden Globe was a consolation prize for her not winning the Oscar.  Because both Sally Field and I were not amused. 

She's got... Dagger Eyes!

Fashion Fail of the Week

In truth, this fashion fail could probably be considered the fashion fail of the month or even the millennium. I’m talking, of course, about Miley Cyrus—she’s a walking fashion fail, after all—and, more specifically, her latest hairdo. Have you seen this?

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Crazy

Just the latest bad choice in a lengthy list of them. In fact, if you’ve ever considered entering your child into show business, I’d say: don’t. And if for some strange reason you need more proof than just my incredible insight, I’d say: look no further than Miley Cyrus. She’s a walking public service announcement for keeping your children safely at home and out of the limelight.

It’s sad, really. She used to be Disney’s darling and now she’s just a cautionary tale with a smoker’s voice.

It’s not too late to turn it around, though, Miley. Do it for yourself. Do it for your surprisingly good-looking fiancé (still don’t know how you made that happen, but good for you). Do it for the children. And, most importantly, do it for your dad, before all your bad life choices completely shatter his achy breaky heart.  

(Where’s a rimshot when you really need one?)