It’s Official: E! Has Jumped the Shark

In an effort to cash in on everything royal, while at the same time promoting its cash cows, the Kardashians, E! has written what could quite possibly be the most ridiculous (non-political) article ever.

That’s a pretty heavy claim considering this is the network that brought us such gems as, Anatomy of a Split: Minka and Derek as well as an in-depth editorial on why Britney Spears deserves a Lifetime Achievement Award at this year’s VMAs. And who could forget that this is also the channel that gave Joan Rivers her own show. Critiquing fashion. Ninety-five years in the biz does not a fashion guru make, no matter how loudly you tell us it does, Joan.

But, undoubtedly, E!’s most beloved characters are the Kardashians (or Kartrashians as they’re affectionately referred to in some circles). They are, without question, the network’s First Family, starring in no fewer than four shows on the E! channel. I, myself, rarely watch these shows - mostly because I can only take hearing the word “literally” used incorrectly so many times before I, literally, want to shoot myself in the head.

Point being, the E! network will do anything to keep the Kardashian name out there, which I have to assume is the reason they’ve come up with their most recent gem: Are the Kardashians the New Royals?. I hope that’s the reason, at least. I can’t imagine that any full-thinking person would actually believe this was a legitimate comparison.

Are the Kardashians the new royals?, they ask. Depends. Royal what? Royal pains in the butt? Sure. Royally untalented? Of course. Royal family? Uh, doubtful.

Let’s break it down:

Kim Kardashian vs. Kate Middleton

Kim Kardashian (L) and the Duchess (R)

 

Admittedly they’re both famous for doing very little besides breathing. And they both have questionable fashion sense; wearing things that anybody else would be absolutely torn apart for, but that somehow make them “fashion icons.” Oh yeah, and they both have brown hair.

Okay, so maybe that one’s not so far-fetched.

Kris Humphries (aka Mr. Kim Kardashian) vs. Prince William

Mr. Kim Kardashian (L) and the Duke (R)

Uh, let’s see: one graduated from a prestigious university and then went on to serve his country in the Royal Air Force; and currently, when he’s not performing his royal duties, he works as a Search and Rescue helicopter pilot.

The other is, well, really tall.

Kris Jenner vs. Queen Elizabeth

Mama Kardashian (L) and the Queen (R)

This one’s so ludicrous that I’m left speechless. (Comparing stage mom, Kris, to Kate’s mom, Calculating Carole Middleton, would’ve made a lot more sense.) And the comparison of sleazy Scott Disick (Kourtney Kardashian’s baby daddy) and the lovely Prince Harry is not much better.

The Baby Daddy (L) and the Sweet Ginger Prince (R)

 

Seriously, I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

There are plenty more Royal Kardashian comparisons - some that make sense and some that obviously had to be stretched almost as much as Kim Kardashian’s spandex shorts. The reality is, the Kardashians are about as far from royalty as you can get. I understand that we in the States would like our own royal family, but there are saner ways to go about it. I mean, let’s face it, even the Real Housewives of New Jersey, with their orange skin and bedazzled everything, are more royal than the Kartrashians.

And to that I say, long live King Caroline Manzo!