For Every Action There Is an (Completely Un)Equal and Opposite Reaction

For those of you who don’t already know, Waity Katie, i.e. Duchess Dolittle, i.e. Kate Middleton, i.e. the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant. With an alleged baby. I wouldn’t blame you for being unaware of this fact; it’s gotten such little publicity.

What’s gotten as equally as little publicity, is the fact that Kate’s been in and out of the hospital with “morning sickness” and that, during one of her hospital stays, two Australian DJs decided to pull a little prank-aroony. Posing as Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles, they called King Edward VII Hospital, the hospital where Kate was staying, saying that they wanted to speak with her. Although they were never put through to Kate, they were given private(ish) information—how she was feeling, if she was sleeping, when Prince William had left, etc.—by an on-duty nurse, Jacintha Saldanha.

I hadn’t intended to write about this situation, mostly because of its tragic ending—the suicide of the aforementioned nurse—but changed my mind after reading a few recent articles on the subject.

The overwhelming consensus—in the media at least—is that these DJs, Mel Greig and Michael Christian, are responsible for the nurse’s death. They drove her to kill herself. Because they were bullies. For this, they were fired from their jobs and have been completely vilified in the press. 

The evil, vile, black-hearted, bullying DJs in question

Obviously if I blogged every time the media got something wrong, I’d never stop blogging, but this one really bothers me for several reasons:

1.       The DJs were doing their job. I’ve heard quite a few on-air personalities do stupid pranky stuff; stuff that may’ve been questioned had things taken a bad turn, but it didn’t so they weren’t. Bottom line: They all do it. It doesn’t necessarily make it right, but these two shouldn’t be brought before the metaphorical firing squad for something that is common practice among this crowd. There but for the grace of God…

2.       If you listen to the audio from the call, Greig and Christian say several times that they fully expect to be hung up on. They knew their idea wasn’t original, that their accents were terrible, and that they were completely unbelievable. They had no expectation of being put through. It was simply a way to fill air time.  

3.       They’re not the first people—on-air or otherwise—to prank-call a hospital trying to get info on a celebrity. After this, however, they may be the last…at least for a while.

4.       To my third point, what if this had been any other pregnant celebrity? Would the fall-out have been the same? Why are the royals so much more important, especially Kate? She’s nothing more than a glorified celebrity with a title. The media, the royals, and the Kate worshippers all need to get a sense of humor.

5.       The DJs have now been labeled as bullies and told that it was their bullying that led this poor woman to kill herself. I take serious issue with this last claim. Real bullying exists. This isn’t it.

People like Perez Hilton should be ashamed of themselves for writing crap like this:

“Knowing now that the prank at least somewhat contributed to Jacintha's heartbreaking decision to end her own life, we sincerely hope a lesson can be learned about the consequences of bullying — even when we think it's harmless.”

Perhaps Mr. Hilton and his cronies could use a little refresher on what bullying actually is. To bully is “to treat abusively; to affect by means of force or coercion.”

I’m sorry; maybe I’m missing something here. In what way did Greig or Christian do either of these things? Listen, I’m not saying that Jacintha wasn’t bullied. But if she was, it was almost certainly by the hospital staff or the public, NOT by the DJs. Labeling these two as bullies is completely inaccurate and adds to the “boy who cried wolf” effect. It makes people immune to such accusations and minimizes legitimate bullying allegations, of which there are plenty.

Could Greig and Christian be accused of bad judgment? Sure. (But isn’t that a job requirement to be a radio personality?) What they cannot and should not be accused of, however, is bullying.

This was a terrible tragedy and it should absolutely be discussed. We should be discussing the mental health issues that lead to suicide; we should be discussing how the hospital handled Ms. Saldanha and if they have any culpability in the situation; we should be discussing the more-than-likely bullying that was directed at Ms. Saldanha—by us, the public.

But, in my opinion, what we should not be discussing is the “bullying” DJs. The reaction to Greig and Christian’s stupid prank has been totally blown out of proportion. They’ve been scapegoated because they dared to embarrass precious Kate, plain and simple.

That’s my take, at least. What do you guys think?  

                 

(Fear not, I’m getting off my soapbox now before someone pushes me.

ATG will now return to its regularly scheduled judgmental programming.)

Boybanders Gone Wild

What do you get when you mix a Charger, a Bengal, and a whole lot of beer? An abundance of bad choices, that’s what. And if the Bengal fan in question is former boybander Nick Lachey? You get an abundance of bad choices, set to 98 Degrees tunes.

The event in question took place last weekend when the Cincinnati Bengals, and Nick Lachey, traveled to San Diego to take on the Chargers at Qualcomm Stadium. It was there that Pretty Boy Lachey, a devoted Bengals fan, got into an altercation with a Chargers fan.

Having been to several professional football games myself (including at the aforementioned Qualcomm), I feel qualified to say that classless, drunken behavior is pretty much always on the agenda—not for me, of course; I’m much too refined and princess-like for such behavior. (Waity, on the other hand...) But it’s rare, in my experience at least, for things to escalate into ejection. Not so for old Nicky boy, though.

The altercation started with a good-faith exchange of homemade banana bread and hugs between the two. Oh, wait, no that’s wrong. The altercation started with, what else, trash talking.

The Charger fan was wearing the jersey of Igor Olshansky, a former Defensive End for the Chargers who currently finds himself without a football home. Lachey apparently took issue with the jersey and, although his exact words are unknown, said some things that weren’t very nice (shocking, I know). The fan’s quick-thinking wife then mentioned to Lachey that at least Olshansky’s Chargers career lasted longer than Lachey’s singing career.

Ha! Major points for her.

It seems that the Nickster didn’t take too kindly to her editorializing, though. He allegedly referred to her as a “b*tch,” and then grabbed her husband by the throat and threw him to the ground. Lachey and his “people” of course deny these allegations, but, according to TMZ, the fan is planning to press charges. Get it? The Charger (fan) is pressing charges. This hilarity practically writes itself. 

  If this is him being cool, calm and collected, I'd hate to see him when he's mad.  

And although it’s disputed whether or not Lachey really got physical, what’s undeniable is that he was ejected from the game. And the Charger fan wasn’t. What does that tell you? I’ll tell you what it tells you: If actions really do speak louder than words, then Lachey has been a very bad boy—and not in a good way. 

He probably shouldn’t be expecting a visit from Santa anytime soon.

Do It Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

Here’s some disgusting, yet fascinating, news: Apparently in some countries, Man’s relationship with his Best Friend can legally evolve into a “friends with benefits” situation. You get my drift?

On the off chance that I’m being too subtle, I’ll spell it out for you. It seems that bestiality—or zoophilia, as it’s also called—is legal in a surprisingly large number of countries.

I heard this little gem yesterday on the news and simply had to look into it. (I know, it’s hard to imagine that any news agency is covering anything but the royal baby, which is only slightly less nauseating than this story, but there are a few.) The story I saw referred specifically to Germany, which is currently trying to pass a law that would make zoophilia illegal, but after a bit of online research (hope I don’t have to have my computer serviced anytime soon; I might get a reputation) came to learn that it’s not specific to Germany. In quite a few countries, including Mexico, Finland, Thailand and Hungary, it’s totally legal to take your relationship with Spot or Bessie to the next level—as long as there’s no harm to the animal. (Sounds pretty harmful to me, but I’m old fashioned.)

Germany is in the spotlight, though, because as I mentioned, they’re looking to outlaw such behavior. Apparently it’s become quite an issue there, as animal brothels become more and more prevalent (never in my life did I think I’d write the term, “animal brothels”), the acts performed inside these brothels become more and more acceptable, and people start referring to zoophilia as a “lifestyle choice.” I thought lifestyle choices consisted of which socks to wear and what kind of cereal to eat, but what do I know?

However, lest you think these people are total heathens, please remember that it IS illegal in most countries, even countries where the act is legal, to possess or distribute zoophilia pornography. (I have no idea what would qualify as pet porn and hope I never have reason to find out.) I mean, really, this group does have standards. They’re not total animals. They just really, really, really love their pets.

Death, Taxes, and Royal Babies

Benjamin Franklin was wrong; there are actually three things that are certain. The one he forgot to mention is the surety of royal babies.

The heir to the throne, regardless of kingdom, must always produce an heir, under penalty of death. (Okay, so maybe it’s not quite that dramatic, but it is a job requirement.) And fortunately for Prince William, it appears that he won’t be requiring a trip to the Tower of London anytime soon. 

  In case you haven’t yet heard, the Most Beautiful Couple in the World is currently gestating the Most Beautiful Baby in the World. I don't mean to be rude, but if these two are the most beautiful, the world's in serious trouble.   

Yep, it’s official. The Palace has confirmed that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (that’s Waity and her husband for those of you who don’t speak the lingo) are expecting their heir. What the Palace neglected to say is that upon hearing this news, Prince Harry’s reply was, “Yippee! Now I won’t have to be king! More naked Vegas romps for me!!!” (I’m paraphrasing, of course.) And, although ATG’s response to the news was a bit more subdued, we are quite looking forward to more pics of Harry in his birthday suit; it is, after all, his best outfit.

Like I said before, this news was inevitable. And, although British Baby Watch has been happening for almost two years now, I had a sneaking suspicion that this time it wasn’t just that the Duchess had gorged herself on enchiladas and broccoli; that this time she might actually be packing a baby. What I’m not looking forward to, however, is what’s sure to be a daily inundation of royal baby news. We get it. She’s pregnant. And will be for many months. Nothing else to see here. At least not for another nine months or so—and, honestly, newborns aren’t that exciting either. Talk to me in about ten years.

Where is this "glow" that everyone keeps talking about? I don't see it. Perhaps I'm glow averse.

Word on the street (and by street, I mean the gold-lined avenues of Buckingham Palace), is that the Duchess had to be admitted to the hospital today with some form of severe morning sickness. The statement read, "As the pregnancy is in its very early stages, Her Royal Highness is expected to stay in hospital for several days and will require a period of rest thereafter."

Did I call this or what? “A period of rest thereafter” probably means the next 40 years or so. Nice work if you can get it.

Is morning sickness contagious because I suddenly feel a bit nauseated. 

Boyfriend of the Week

If you’re not a fan of The Tudors, you may not recognize this week’s Boyfriend, but trust me when I tell you that Henry Cavill will (most likely) soon be a household name—especially if your household owns any "I ♥ 50 Shades of Grey" t-shirts. This British lovely is rumored (or rumoured, as British lovelies say) to be a frontrunner for the role of Christian Grey.

Having never read the trilogy, it could be argued that I have no idea if Mr. Cavill is a good choice for the part, but I disagree. I think having eyes—and a uterus—makes me a more than qualified judge. And in my expert opinion, he’s perfect for the role. He’s perfect for any role—with the possible exceptions of Elephant Man and Fatty Arbuckle. Plus he’s British, which just makes him that much lovelier.

Handsome Henry

But even if he doesn’t manage to land the strangely coveted role of Christian Grey, Hollywood is definitely starting to take notice of this fine specimen. He was recently cast as Superman in the upcoming film, Man of Steel and was apparently Stephenie Meyer’s first choice to play Edward in the Twilight movies. (Seriously, what is her aversion to American actors?) Unfortunately, he didn’t get the part because, apparently at 25(ish), he was considered too old. Too bad. He may’ve made those movies watchable. Of course, not being Edward Cullen will probably save his career in the long-run. 

Here’s some more fun Henry trivia:

♥ He played Sonny in a school production of Grease. (Is anyone else having trouble envisioning an English Grease?)

♥ He wanted to join the army and/or study Egyptology (but probably not both at the same time) had acting not worked out.

♥ He was long-engaged to British show jumper Ellen Whitaker before calling it quits in August. Don’t get excited, though, he has a new girlfriend. A Playboy-posing, American Gladiator-starring, mixed martial artist named Gina Carano. Seriously. I’m not making this up.

He also, fun fact, looks a bit like Sweden’s Prince Carl Philip, who, ironically, is also dating a nude model. 

The Prince of Sweden (L) and the King of Hearts (R)

Personally, between Henry and CP, I find Mr. Cavill to be the tastier slice of hunk heaven, despite the fact that Carl Philip is a prince. Yes, my friends, this means that I would choose a beautiful face over a title. See? I’m really not that shallow after all.