Fashion Fail of the Week

Normally I would feel the need to provide some commentary on the week’s fashion fail, but I think Scarlett Johansson's latest outfit speaks for itself—and it’s saying, “It takes a lot of money to look this bad.” I’ve seen people take clothes from Target, Ross, or even Goodwill and dress them up to make them look much more expensive and fashionable. 

Apparently it can work the other way too.

This girl is a hot mess...minus the hot.

For the record, could someone please explain to me what’s so amazing about this girl? Is it her manly voice? Vacant eyes? Inability to act? What is so attractive?

That’s not a rhetorical question.  

Someone Get This Girl a Muzzle. For Her Fingers.

I don’t usually feel the need to discuss LeAnn Rimes, mostly because she spends so much time discussing herself, but some of her recent tweets have motivated me to take action. Her Twitter addiction is truly unparalleled. I mean, does anyone even remember why she’s famous? What was her job before she started stealing husbands and word vomiting all over the internet?

And, speaking of word vomiting on Twitter, some of LeAnn’s recent        finger-talking is doozylicious. You may remember that before she became Mrs. Cibrian—a position that she reminds the world of on a near bi-second basis—she was married to a dancer named Dean Sheremet. On second thought, you may not know about Dean because Twitter had yet to be invented at that point. 

 LeAnn and her first husband, Dean, pre-Twitter 

Dean and LeAnn were married for seven years—until, that is, Ms. Rimes crossed paths and tongues with the also-married Eddie Cibrian, but I digress. The point is, Mr. Sheremet’s grandmother recently died. And when LeAnn found out about it, she gave him a heart-felt phone call and sent him a condolence card. Oh, wait. No she didn’t. She posted her condolences to his Twitter account. How classy. She was married to this guy for seven years, presumably got to know (and perhaps like) his family, and then did him wrong with her horny costar. And she couldn’t even pick up the phone? Send him a carnation or cookie bouquet? 

Of course, if she’d reached out privately, she would've missed a prime opportunity to show the world how “caring” she is. And let's be honest, when you’re trying to downplay your home-wrecking image, it’s very important that people know that you’re really a good person; that you're just misunderstood. We get it, LeAnn, you’re a saint.

Yeah, right. If you’ll buy that, I have some magic beans I’d love to show you.

I will say, though, that I recently realized why LeAnn’s so desperate for people to know that she’s Mrs. Cibrian, Eddie Cibrian’s wife, LeAnn Cibrian, Mrs. Eddie Cibrian, etc. Turns out that while old Edster was still married to his first wife, Brandi Glanville, and cheating on her with his current wife, LeAnn, he also had at least one other girlfriend. (Obviously he’s really good at monogamy.) Perhaps LeAnn thinks that if she’s with him, posting pictures of him, talking about him, and taking vacations with him, ALL THE TIME, he’ll never have a chance to stray. That’s a great plan, LeAnn, but who’s watching him when you go to the bathroom? 

 Eddie with his first ex-wife, Brandi (L) and second ex-wife, er, I mean, WIFE, LeAnn (R) 

All joking aside, she’s right to be on high alert. After all, you know what James Goldsmith said: “When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity.” And considering that these two have been married for over a year now, I wouldn’t be surprised if Eddie has already started taking applications for that new position. 

That’s My Story and I’m Sticking to It (until I change my mind...)

Whenever the subject of the British royal family comes up—and let’s be honest, when I’m around, it comes up a fair amount—I’m always asked why I don’t particularly care for their latest duchess. So, I thought I’d take this opportunity to explain my position once and for all. I mean, according to the world, Kate is so pretty, so well dressed, so nice looking, so pretty, has such shiny hair, and is just so pretty. What’s not to like? 

Kate, BW (Before William)

And, therein lies the problem.

There have been approximately 9,20,482 articles written about the Duchess and approximately 9,20,475 of those have been about how nice she looks, how healthy her hair is, how much she spent on her outfit, and how fashionable she is. Why? Because there’s nothing else to discuss. Her greatest (read: only) accomplishment is wearing nice clothes nicely. Let’s be clear, it’s not that I dislike her, nor that I'm particularly jealous that she (finally) managed to snag herself an allegedly spoiled, balding prince; I just find nothing about her all that remarkable and get tired of hearing how spectacular she is (especially when, pre-wedding, this wasn’t the case). 

And when the media won’t tell you the truth (anymore), ATG will. It’s our plight in life. We are defenders of truth. So buckle up; it’s about to get factual up in here.

Let’s begin with some of the adjectives used to describe Kate recently: dazzling, breath-taking, beautiful, perfect. Perfect? That’s a pretty big claim. I mean, I’m fairly incredible and even I’m not perfect (but let’s just keep that between us). Here’s a comment left on the Daily Mail’s site that gives you just a taste of the Kate mania sweeping the globe: “I’m a 24 year old woman and aspire to her so much. She is elegant, beautiful, caring and everything a young woman should be in this modern world.”

Seriously? She may be elegant and perhaps even beautiful, but a role model to which every woman should aspire?

 I'm just your average girl-next-door who's about to snag herself a prince. 

Let’s get real. Even if the stories about Kate following William to university and scheming her way into his dorm are false—and even if the tale about her joining a rowing team during one of their breakups, only to quit once they got back together, is fabricated—it doesn’t appear that she’s done much with herself, or her outrageously expensive degree, besides stumble out of nightclubs with her undies showing and, more recently, shake a few charitable hands. Why? Because she was constantly on-call for her globe-trotting boyfriend. 

Sure, she lived in London (in an apartment allegedly paid for by her parents), where she worked for a short time as an accessories buyer—working only a couple days a week—but she had to quit that job because she had a much more important and lucrative one in mind: snagging a prince. And she was successful. Can’t hate on her for that.

Kate, AW (After William)

But, the argument that she’s a better role model than, say, Kim Kardashian is questionable. After all, aren’t they both basically known for being pretty clotheshorses who had famous weddings? 

  Sometimes they even dress alike.

 

Listen, I’m sure she’s a perfectly lovely person, but let’s don’t oversell. She’s a fairly ordinary girl who fell into an extraordinary life. She’s not Venus in blue jeans, and to set her up as such is really unfortunate for everyone—including Kate. Defining her as something that she’s not, means that at some point she’ll fail to measure up. Then what?  

 Kate and her equally as overly publicized sister, Pippa. 

So far, she’s smiled and waved herself through a handful of engagements, and, overall, she’s done it well. But does this a role model make? A woman, who from all accounts is quite bright and was given some awesome opportunities, but decided to instead wait around—for almost a decade and through several breakups—for her boyfriend to decide if he wanted to marry her? Obviously she’s not the only woman who’s ever waited for a man, but few women choose, or are able, to make waiting their career.

I’m not saying that someday she won’t make a great role model, she probably will, all I’m saying is that she’s not there yet. And isn’t it better, for everyone involved, to postpone touting all her accomplishments until after she’s actually accomplished something?

After all, surely we want our young women to aspire to more than having lives defined entirely by their boyfriends and being skinny.

Trending Now

I’ve noticed recently that a lot of my friends read magazines like Glamour and Vogue in an effort to educate themselves on the latest fashion trends; to make sure they have the most fashion-forward purse or shoes. To them I say, forget all that. Forget the fashion magazines and the blogs. Forget labels and haircuts and colors and patterns. You want to be trendy? You only need one thing: a black baby.

Because we here at ATG pride ourselves on dealing only in fact, I will first define trend before proceeding any further. According to dictionary.com, a trend is defined as “the general course or prevailing tendency.” Prevailing tendency. This would imply that a lot of people are doing it, or beginning to do it, would it not?   

So, are a lot of people adopting black babies? Well, if they’re not, then this post is about as pointless as Kate Middleton’s degree. Just off the top of my head, I can think of four “trendy” ladies (five, if you count Brad Pitt):

And let’s don’t forget, it’s early days. This is a trend that is just starting to pick up steam; a tendency that is just starting to prevail, if you will.

So, if you really want to look “hip” and “with it,” get rid of those fashion mags, ignore everything you see at this year’s Fashion Week, and return those Manolo Blahniks. If you truly want to hang with the cool kids, it’s not about the label on your jeans, but the baby on your hip.

Of course, considering the fickleness of Hollywood, if you’re planning to do a little bandwagon jumping before it becomes “so last year,” you better get on it. Who knows? By tomorrow the prevailing tendency may be obscene body art or making out with your brother. Oh, wait, Angelina Jolie already tried starting that trend years ago; it didn’t quite catch on.

I can’t imagine why…

I have no words.

Yuck.

All I ever wanted was a pony...

Exciting, non-Waity news from the Royal family today.  The Queen's granddaughter, Zara Phillips, was selected for the British equestrian team.  

Get in, you cheeky girl!

Why do I love this news?  Let me count the ways:

1.  It's not about Waity.

2.  It's not about Prince Philip's health (this breaks my heart every time I think of the Queen alone).

3.  It's not about Waity upstaging the Queen at her own Jubilee celebration.

4.  It's not about Pippa 'The Bum" Middleton.

5.  It's not about Waity not being pregnant.  

But seriously, it's refreshing to see a member of the Royal family, especially one that often bucks tradition, go after something that she is passionate about.  And I admire her for not giving up her dreams after she got married (even though her husband is cute in that broken-nosed rugby player way).  And I love that she's just coming into her stride post-30.  There is hope for all of us "wrong-siders" yet!

What restraint I have, only three Waity references and two equestrian related puns!  And for that, I deserve a gold medal.

You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby

A very happy birthday to Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, who is celebrating his 91^st birthday today! Fortunately, he was released from the hospital yesterday, and will therefore be able to spend the big day with the people he loves (which may or may not include his family) instead of hospital staff.

Many happy returns to you, sir; and, I beg you, please make sure Waity gets a slice of cake. Or 30.

And They Lived Happily Ever After

We’ve all heard the stories. Tales of beautiful, mistreated women who are rescued from their miserable lives by dashing princes who are totally out of their league. Sure, it all sounds pretty wonderful, but have you ever stopped to consider what happened 5, 10, 20 years down the line? Did everything remain unbelievably perfect or did those diamond-encrusted tiaras start to tarnish? Was Prince Charming still smitten with Cinderella once she had six kids, stretch marks and cellulite, or did his eye wander to the 20-year-old chambermaid with the big bosom?

One “fairytale” that does appear to be standing the test of time, is that of England’s Queen Elizabeth II and her prince. 

To commemorate their engagement

Unless you’ve been living in Russell Brand’s hair for the past few weeks, you probably know that Queen Elizabeth recently celebrated her Diamond Jubilee. She looked radiant and regal, happily sharing the stage and the spotlight with her proud husband, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh. Sadly, early on in the festivities, Prince Philip had to be rushed to the hospital due to a urinary tract infection. From then on, the Queen seemed a bit sadder, perhaps a bit lonely.

It’s understandable, seeing as how he’s been by her side, virtually unceasingly, since they married in 1947. The five year age difference caused a few raised eyebrows at the time, but the Prince has proven over the years to be a loyal consort, supporting her through the sudden death of her father, her ensuing coronation, and countless royal scandals.

Inevitably, there have been reports of infidelity, which I obviously cannot speak to. What I can say, however, is that, as the pair prepares to celebrate their 65^th wedding anniversary in November, they sure appear to be doing something right. 

THEN

NOW

Like any good love story, I’m sure theirs has had its share of ups and downs, but if these recent pictures are anything to judge by, the Queen and her prince certainly seem to be living “happily ever after.”

 Philip & Elizabeth: A Love Story

Open Mouth. Insert Louboutin.

Kathie Lee Gifford.

Just her name can evoke strong emotion, negative emotion for many, but until recently I never really understood the negativity. In fact, I’ve been known to defend her against some of her more vocal detractors. But even I can’t defend her latest guffaw, nor would I want to.

Let me set the scene: Martin Short was recently on the fourth hour of The Today Show, an hour infamous for sloppy reporting and inebriated hosts, one of whom is Kathie Lee. She and her only slightly less worthless cohost, Hoda Kotb, began asking Short—who was promoting his latest film Madagascar 3—questions about his personal life and, specifically, his marriage. Gifford asked Short how long he’d been married, how he and his wife kept the love alive in their relationship, and the secret to an enduring marriage. All appropriate questions, except for one thing: Martin Short’s wife, Nancy, is dead.

And has been since 2010, when she fell victim to ovarian cancer.

  "Let me distract you from the stupidity coming out of my mouth by doing these cool hand gestures." 

I mean, really, there are struggling and out-of-work journalists out there and this fool gets her own show? Twice? It would almost be funny if it wasn’t so sad. For future reference, Kathie Lee, there’s a little thing called research. Maybe you should try it next time. To her credit, she did offer an on-air apology once she’d been notified of what a giant ass she’d just made of herself, but honestly, too little too late.

And proving yet again what a class act he is, Mr. Short never called her out for being an idiot; he instead tried to answer the asinine questions to the best of his ability—albeit, slightly confusedly—and has even come to her defense, saying, “people make mistakes.”

It’s true. People do make mistakes.

Especially when they can’t be bothered to do their homework.

Jubilation Celebration

Happy Diamond Jubilee, Ma'am.  May you reign for another 60 years.

How much do we want to be her?

God save the Queen indeed.