Gaze Into My Swarovski Crystal Ball

At the risk of sounding like one of the narcissistic divas that ATG loves to criticize, let me just say that you, my friends, are very lucky. Why, you ask? Because you’ve discovered this little gem called All That Glitters. Now, I know that sentence does in fact sound highly narcissistic, but bear with me as I clarify. It’s not just because ATG is insightful, clever, and highly entertaining (although, duh, it’s all of those things), but because ATG is clairvoyant.

There are plenty of examples of this – you need only read over past entries to know it’s true – but for now I’m just going to focus on one: a Boyfriend. You may remember that late last year, ATG made Henry Cavill – who was, at the time, a B-level celebrity at best – a Boyfriend. (If you don’t remember, you can read about it here.) You may also remember that we predicted that his rise to fame would be faster than a speeding bullet. (Get it? Because he plays Superman? Okay, I’ll stop now.)

Well, just call us Nostradamus because in the last few weeks, I’ve noticed that our Man of Steel has been the topic of quite a few conversations. Yes, I’ve heard many a woman (and a man or two) – in various age brackets – discussing Henry’s many positive (physical) attributes. In fact, he’s so popular, that the instructor of one of my recent workout classes spent an entire routine discussing his epic appeal.

It’s not so hard to understand why. He’s yummy and British. It makes total sense that the world is finally starting to take notice. Just like we told you it would. What I can’t explain, however, is why it took the world so long to notice this fine specimen, while punks like Justin Bieber and Kanye West got more and more famous. Some mysteries just can’t be solved – even with a crystal ball. 

Let me get this straight: He's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound AND he grocery shops?!

Our Hunk of Steel is also, fun fact, recently single again, after a whirlwind publicity stunt romance with The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco. Fortunately, her loss is our gain. And, because I’ve been told I look like her (and because I’m slightly delusional), I’m fairly certain that soon, this ATG boyfriend will become a real-live boyfriend for yours truly. 

  Okay, so they were kind of cute together. 

But don’t worry, friends. This new position of mine won’t affect ATG in the slightest. For, as long as lazy, spoiled, overrated, fake-tanning folks abound, ATG will be here to judge them.

And, for that, you’re welcome.

(Okay, so maybe that last bit was slightly narcissistic.)