Blame It on the (Golden) Showers

We have failed you, but it wasn’t intentional.

Blame it on work. Blame it on life. Blame it on the rain.

Actually, no, blame it on Kim Kardashian and the innocent byproduct of her poor life choices, Baby Kimye (whose real name is North West, by the way. They literally named their baby after a compass. This stuff practically writes itself).

It was our distraction with this ever-present train wreck that resulted in our complete and utter failure to keep you abreast of all things royal. And even if the Westdashians’ guilt couldn’t technically be proven beyond all reasonable doubt in a court of law, I’m fairly certain that nearly every negative thing in life is a result, either directly or indirectly, of Kim Kardashian.

BUT, it doesn’t really matter who’s to blame (although it’s still totally KK’s fault), the fact remains that there was a royal wedding…and we went nearly a month without reporting on it. The shame is only heightened by the fact that it was a real royal family, not some weird, under-the-radar royal family from a country you only hear about on Jeopardy.

Sadly, you still may not be aware of these recent nuptials, as they didn’t happen to a British royal and, you know, those Windsors are the only ones that really matter. How can the press possibly be expected to report on Sweden’s royals when Kate Middleton got up and put clothes on this morning? Over a baby bump! Does her talent know no bounds?! She is such an inspiration!

But this post isn’t about Kate or the royal family she invaded. No, this is Sweden’s turn in the spotlight. And Princess Madeleine shone brightly as she married her commoner husband in June. (Clearly the princess is obsessed with the Cambridges. I mean, first she copies their engagement-photo pose and then she chooses a spouse whose blood doesn’t run blue. The only difference is, Maddie married someone who knows how to work.)

The groom? A British-born, Manhattan-based banker named Chris O’Neill, whom the Swedish beauty apparently met in the Big Apple after fleeing there in an attempt to escape a broken heart (even princesses get cheated on). And escape it she did, in the arms of an average joe.

The two married at the Royal Palace, in front of many of the world’s royals and socialites, in a lavish wedding fit for a king. Or princess. The extravagant nuptials were then followed by a carriage ride through the capital and a public kiss. (Who does that remind you of? This obsession is getting creepy.)

Despite the wedding, Mr. Princess Madeleine of Sweden remains about as common as they come – for a successful, New York businessman, of course – as he apparently chose not to take a title, not wanting to become a Swedish citizen. He has, however, opted to wear a wedding ring, unlike other British-born grooms we know.

So, what now for these two? It’s said that they will soon return to their lives in Manhattan – and their jobs. Hmm, royal consorts who work?

Inconceivable!