The Waity Whisperer

Stop the presses… less than 48 hours after a new peak in Waity-mania we have a new development!

Clarence House has just released that Waity is in fact due in July, six months from today, as ATG first reported yesterday.

How did we know? Clearly, the writers at ATG are in sync with the workless wonder. After much debate about whether to conjecture four, five, or six months more of Royal Bump Watch, we knowingly went with six.

Just call us the Waity Whisperers.

We should add that to our resume…

Artist rendition.

Diamonds Are a Queen’s Best Friend

England’s beloved Queen Elizabeth is celebrating her Diamond Jubilee this year. This means that the Queen has held the same job position, i.e. queen, for 60 years. At most companies, 60 years means a pen, maybe a watch, and if you’re really lucky, perhaps a little office luncheon—maybe some deli meat, a fruit tray, a dried-out cake—you get the drift. If you’re a royal, however, it means countless lunches, dinners, parades, and the Olympics held in your honor.

  Major props to Princess Charlene for really committing to her curtsey. 

One of these such luncheons occurred last week at Windsor Castle. But instead of a celebratory office lunch like the one mentioned above, one where your creepy boss with the hairy knuckles and the annoying mouth-breather in the cubicle next to yours come to honor you, this lunch drew many of the world’s royals (some of whom, in all fairness, may still be creepy mouth-breathers).

Reading through the guest list was an uplifting experience, and it should give hope to all of us with royal-caliber dreams. Why, you ask? Because so many countries have royal families. Sure, they’re not all as high-profile as the Windsors, but as long as they come with a title, a castle, and a diamond-encrusted tiara, I’m a happy camper. So don’t lose hope, even if Cupid doesn’t shoot his love-inducing arrows into the hiney of Prince Harry or Princess Madeleine on your behalf.

And speaking of people who were able to blackmail Cupid into wielding his arrows for their benefit, the Duchess of Cambridge was also at the luncheon. Seriously, maybe she has some compromising pictures of the amorous fellow with Lady Godiva; otherwise, her mass appeal makes absolutely no sense. For instance, what’s up with the ridiculous grin she has perpetually glued to her increasingly gaunt face? I’m sure it’s difficult having cameras constantly shoved in your personal space, but must she always be smiling? It looks totally fake and, truth be told, makes me slightly uncomfortable. She’s starting to look a little Stepford-y.  



 The Most Beautiful and Fashionable Woman in the World (and her husband) 

With Bulgaria's King Simeon and his wife Margarita



 Is anyone even talking in this picture? I think they're just gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. Looks like Cupid strikes again. 



The real Duchess or the Madame Tussauds version?

 Like the rest of the world, Prince Albert seems more interested in Kate than her husband. Maybe Cupid got him too.

I wish I had the creativity to add a running dialogue or thought bubbles (like the always amazing FP did previously) to these pictures. But since I don’t, please feel free to add your own thought bubbles in the comments section below. I’d love to hear them!

And, because there’s been a severe lack of the Sweet Ginger Prince around here lately…



Sweet Ginger. It does a body good.

You're welcome.

Time After Time

TIME Magazine has put out its list of (who it deems to be) this year's 100 most influential people in the world. It’s entitled, appropriately enough, The 100 Most Influential People in the World.

Time after time, the decision makers at TIME disappoint, and this year is no different. Let’s not forget that this is the magazine that named both Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin (twice) as Person of the Year. But even that’s forgivable compared to what they’ve done this year.  It’s something so ridiculous, so inexplicable, so off base that it’s simply inexcusable.

They’ve named Kate and Pippa Middleton to the 100 Most Influential list.  

I’ll pause while you let that sink in.

   I can think of many lists I'd put these two on, but Most Influential isn't one of them.  

Okay, let’s just, for argument’s sake, say that I can get on board with the Kate Middleton selection. After all, she’s influenced plenty of girls to have shiny hair and eating disorders, but Pippa?! What in the heck has she done (besides ride around with a gun-wielding beau in Paris)? Be born into a family of social-climbers -- it’s not an accident that the Middleton girls are referred to as the “Wisteria Sisters” -- and wear a form-fitting bridesmaid dress? 

Look, I’m no huge fan of Prince William or Oprah, but can’t we all agree that they’re exponentially more worthy of being on an Influential list than either of the mediocre Middletons? TIME sure thought so--at least last year. Both were on the list last year. Neither is this year. They got bumped. For Pippa’s ass. Literally, her ass. I mean, what else has she done?

I’ll tell you this much, Prince William better buckle up because this is just the beginning of his emasculation. So far, Kate has been getting the Princess Diana treatment in the press (i.e. “she’s perfect and can do no wrong”). This says to me that if/when this relationship implodes—which is almost inevitable, given the Windsors’ not-so-stellar record of successful marriages—he will get the Prince Charles treatment (i.e. “he’s a worthless human being with no soul and giant ears”; although, for Prince William, it’ll be “no soul and equally as little hair”).

  Remember when he looked like this? Those were the days. 

The question is, can the royal family sustain another devastating blow like that? I’m not sure; which means, folks, that we may truly be looking at the final days of the British monarchy. A sobering thought.

The good news is, when the cow pies hit the fan, you may be able to get yourself a really good deal on a palace.

The Duchess's New Clothes?

In case you haven’t heard, Prince William got married yesterday.

And he married, if you pay any attention to the press, the most beautiful woman in the world.

Seriously? I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a pretty girl, but let's not get carried away here.

Listen, I understand that he’s no supermodel either (anymore), but his beauty hasn’t been shoved down our throats as of late. Hers has. And I can’t help but think this is an Emperor’s New Clothes situation. No one talked about how gorgeous she was before the engagement. Pretty, yes; breathtaking, no. 

Is it possible, then, that the media is trying to perpetuate a “beautiful princess” image to complete their fairytale story? After all, Prince Charming didn’t live happily ever after with either of the less attractive, yet perhaps more intelligent and harder working, stepsisters. No, he chose Cinderella, who talked to mice and took showers with birds.

But she was beautiful.

And Prince William’s princess, or duchess, as it were, must also be beautiful—no matter what the media has to do to convince us it's true.

  The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on their wedding day.