If It Ain’t Broke

I hesitated to write yet another blog about the royals, fearing that perhaps ATG was starting to feel a bit one-note, but then I thought, why deny myself the gift that keeps on giving – that is, the pleasure of judging a family that literally (but not literally) lives to fuel my judgmental ramblings?

So, here we go…

You may have heard that Kate spent last Friday – or at least part of it – “working”; that is, she played volleyball. In four-inch heels…or “espadrilles” for those who speak fashion. (I do, but not fluently.) You may not know what they’re technically called, but if you pay any attention to the Duchess, you’ve seen these shoes. She’s rarely without them. They’re like an obnoxiously tall, overpriced, sweaty, smelly security blanket. 

But aside from the shoes, the big news to come out of the “work” engagement was that Kate has a stomach.

I’ll give her this: It’s flat. Really flat. Looks like she’s returned to her pre-baby diet of soda crackers and air.

Now, you may be wondering how it is that we came to see the Deficient Duchess’s mid-section while she was working. Obviously I’m no princess (well, not technically) but I can’t recall ever revealing my tummy while at work. (I did inadvertently show my naked butt to a coworker once, but that’s an entirely different story.) So how did this peek-a-boo moment occur? Well, it was all the result of an entirely unplanned, completely random, totally unmanufactured series of events. Let me set the stage for you:

The Duchess shows up for her “job” at a SportsAid workshop. As a patron of the charity, it makes sense that she would be there. It even makes sense that she would participate in some of the activities, showing the world that she’s still Sporty Spice even after having birthed a loud lion baby. The organizers apparently agreed that a little physical activity should be on the agenda, as they planned for Kate to play badminton with some of the children. Kate, however, declined the racket and the offer, choosing instead to play a little v-ball.

Now, perhaps this was all very innocent. Perhaps the volleyball game fit into her schedule better. Perhaps she felt more comfortable with a ball than a birdie. Or perhaps the world’s most perfect role model wanted to reveal not only her impossibly flat stomach – a feat that may not have been quite as easy on the badminton court – but also her complete superiority over every other woman in the world.

Mission accomplished, Duchess. Mission accomplished.

 Who has time for a job when one is so busy being so much better than all of you?   

In other royal news (did you know there were other royals?), Prince George is scheduled to be christened on Wednesday. Royal christenings are a very big deal. Bookies have been taking bets on who the little prince’s godparents will be for weeks. (Does it not seem a bit wrong to be taking bets on a sacrament?)

The biggest news, however, is that the girlfriend that I’m still in denial about is on the guest list. Yes, my friends, apparently the Sweet Ginger Prince has requested that his lady love be invited to the christening. I guess this means that she may actually exist and that she also may actually be dating my boyfriend. 

Living the dream...ATG's dream

It may also mean, as is being reported, that Harry is quite serious about making her his princess. And if Harry’s got wedding bells ringing in his head, it means that the ATG girls need to step up their game ASAP in order to ensure that the only aisles the SGP walks down anytime soon are at Tesco.

Challenge accepted.

A Judgment-Scented Potpourri: Royal Edition

In case you haven't heard, Kate Middleton and her husband have taken yet another lavish vacation. Several months ago they were lauded for their decision to not take an expensive ski trip. They did this, they said, to stand in solidarity with the rest of the world, a world that’s struggling to simply put food on the table and coal in the stove.

A week later they jetted off (First Class, mind you) for a vacation in Mustique.

At least they adhered to the language of their proclamation, if not the spirit.

 Kate & William Middleton (with Kate's siblings) on their non-ski vacay. 

 

It was unfortunate timing for the other guests on the island, however, as they were denied use of certain amenities and limited-entry to others, in an effort to protect the Middletons’ privacy. Absolutely ridiculous. If they want privacy, they should stay home, not commandeer an island that others have paid good money to have use of. Besides, when have the Middletons ever wanted privacy? They’re not exactly known as being camera shy, if you know what I mean.

When the “privacy-hungry” group returned from their Caribbean vacation, William left for a six-week deployment in the Falklands and Kate returned to her job of being skinny and having shiny hair—with a public appearance thrown in here and there for good measure. Then, last week, after William’s return, they went…wait for it…

SKIING!

The good news is, they went with the Middletons, who allegedly paid for both trips--which means that the trips weren’t, allegedly, funded by taxpayers.

At least there’s that.

These trips have not, however, done much to counteract Kate’s newest moniker, Duchess Dolittle (which, can I just say, I’m incredibly disappointed in myself for not having created) or William’s reputation for being anti-royalty--or, at the very least, frustrated at not having been born just a regular chap. You see, there’s a rumor that’s recently been building steam, a rumor that says William is much more anxious to become a Middleton than to become a king, and those rumblings were anything but quieted when he chose to miss the Queen’s memorial celebration for her late mother and sister in order to go skiing with the in-laws.  

I understand that the grass is always greener, but I sure have trouble pitying someone whose grass is littered with golden opportunities. And diamonds.

_________________________

In case you haven’t heard, the Queen has quite a few grandchildren whose names are neither William nor Harry. One of those grandchildren, Peter, son of Princess Anne, became a father for the second time on Wednesday when he and his wife, Autumn, welcomed another daughter. Congrats to the happy—and rapidly growing—family! 

By the way, William and Kate, this is what we call a good reason to miss the memorial celebration.

__________________________

In case you haven’t heard, we here at ATG love us some Prince Harry. We especially love the Sweet Ginger Prince when he decides to bust a move. In the street. At 3am. To only the music in his head.

  Harry offers an invitation across the nation for dancing in the street.   

And, yet, he’s still (arguably) a better choice for king than the two men ahead of him in line. What does that tell you about the fate of the monarchy?

Helping you get over the hump

Because we all know Wednesdays are awful days...

Dance, baby, dance!

That Ginger Prince sure is a giver!!!

A Little Hump Day Happiness

An ATG friend and supporter was kind enough to send us this picture of the Sweet Ginger Prince, knowing how we love him and how we never hesitate to post his pictures. Today’s pic is particularly adorable. But don’t be fooled; although it looks like he’s smiling at his queenly grandmother, I have it from a reliable source that he’s actually thinking about ATG’s most recent post, which just goes to show how refined and intelligent his humor is.

A handsome prince with a great sense of humor? Someone catch me as I swoon.

A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes

While we here at ATG do subscribe to the theory that it’s best not to discuss politics or religion with your friends – at least friends you intend on keeping – and that an entertainment blog is the last place to bring up either, there’s been some late-breaking, life-altering news that must be shared! Although this news could be filed under “religiousy” (if that was a real word), it is actually much more about the British royal family, the Sweet Ginger Prince, and, most specifically, one girl’s dream to conquer both.

Who's excited about a new royal addition?! No, not a baby. An American princess!

Sounds like changes may be afoot for the world’s most overpublicized royals. The World Wide Web is abuzz with the news that British Prime Minister David Cameron has proposed a few legal reforms; reforms that would essentially abolish several antiquated laws dating back to the 17^th century. What does this mean for us? A couple things, actually.

First, it means that, should Waity double up on her helpings of kidney pie and black pudding and actually gain a pound – or twenty – and, should said weight-gain result in a long-anticipated pregnancy for the Duke and Duchess, and, should said baby be a girl, the little queen could very possibly rule over all the lands (eventually). As it stands now, it’s the first son who gets that honor and not the first born. Of course, unless you’re planning to be reincarnated as Waity’s progeny, this first change won’t affect your life much.

 

What could have an impact, however, is my second piece of good news. Up until now, the heir to the British throne could marry a Buddhist. He could marry a Muslim. He could even marry an atheist. He could not, however, marry a Catholic—one more thing we can blame on Henry VIII. It perhaps had something to do with the bad blood and mass murdering that has taken place between Protestants and Catholics throughout the years. But, under Prime Minister Cameron’s proposal, this too would be thrown out; which means, ladies, that our St. Jude novenas are on their way to being answered!

Not only would Prince Harry be able to marry a nice, Catholic girl, but he wouldn’t even have to abdicate; meaning, that a nice, Catholic girl could someday be a nice, Catholic princess. (Of course, whether Prince Harry is interested in nice girls of any denomination is another topic entirely.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some glass slippers to go Windex.  

SWM with ginger hair seeks S(?)F of princess quality. Grace Kelly types encouraged to apply.

On This Day in History

Today is the very special birthday of a very special prince; although, let’s be honest, every birthday this handsome prince celebrates is special, simply because it makes him another year legal. Rumor has it that this 27-year-old lovely will soon be in Vegas, which means so will ATG. Be prepared for some candid shots of the sweet ginger prince in the coming months; and don’t worry, with maximum-zoom cameras, that court-mandated, 100-yard separation feels like nothing.

Wet T-Shirt Contest, Royal Edition

So we meet again, dear readers.  Two days in a row - this not being at work thing is amazing...

Everyone's favorite Windsor, the ever handsome, ever entertaining, ever not-bald, Harry was in Croatia this weekend (I know, weird).  And he fell into a pool.  Expected, Drunken Harry.

Hot, even mid poo squat.

And I love it.  What the Daily Mirror didn't report is that this was a gift for a very, very, very special co-author of this blog, the divine Miss R.  For Miss R.'s birthday is upon us. 

And what's even more magical, is there is a video.

That Ginger Prince, he's a giver.

Boyfriend of the Week

In keeping with the royal wedding theme, it seems appropriate to feature as our first weekly boyfriend, Prince Harry.

Prince Henry of Wales - or the Sweet Ginger Prince as we, his friends, call him - is the second son of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana. He’s third in line to the British throne, behind only his father and brother, the newly appointed Duke of Cambridge. He is also a helicopter pilot and was recently promoted to Captain in the British Army. You might think all these duties leave little time for dating, but you’d be wrong. He’s famously a bit of a ladies’ man, not unlike his uncle, Prince Andrew.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he may be back on with his on-again/off-again, Zimbabwe-born and oftentimes orange-tinted, girlfriend, Chelsy Davy. But don’t lose hope, ladies; until he puts a ring on it, there’s always reason for hope. (And given the Windsors’ history with long-term marriages—or lack thereof—there may be hope even after he puts a ring on it.)